Question #1:

Married to a control freak?

If you were a middle aged man who has has suddenly, through research, discovered that you have been married to a woman who is a control freak for the past 1 year, what would you do ?
How do you deal with this person ? At what point do you give up and leave ?
Do you suggest counseling ? or leaving the relationship ?
What would you do ?

Question #2:

Percy Jackson Fans - is Thalia Luke's aunt?

I find this pretty funny, once - I admit it - I sort of liked Thalia. But a few nights ago I was in Cabin 11 talking to my father via Iris-Message, after he went Connor and Travis Stoll were talking about the crazy relationships of gods. Connor said demigods were no better as Percy is dating Annabeth who are both cousins and I once liked my aunt Thalia ..... :O WHAT?

is she really my aunt? Aunt Thalia *grins*

oh Hades...my father is Hermes, his father is Zeus, his daughter is Thalia
ewww Chiron I need counselling

Question #3:

I've been feeling so sad lately. :( I want to be happy again. I need help?

I am so sorry if this is long.. I also apologize for dumping my crap on you guys. :(

Well, I am a 17 year old female. I've just been feeling so emotional for the past few years. But this month has been so much worse. I hate complaining, so I don't say anything, I just put on a smile and go on with my day. But it is so hard, I can't sleep, I'm finding it hard to clear my head. I no longer have an appetite for anything. I feel sick, and just really sad. I've been struggling with work, relationships, also with my family. I live with my mother, this may sound mean, but she really isn't someone I want to live with anymore. :( I want to leave sooo badly. She drinks way too much and she yells at me and calls me really rude names all the time, and my dad lives too far away. Also my sister has her own life going on. I love my close friends to death, I help them with their problems. But I am too scared to tell them about mine. I spend too much of my time trying to make others happy, I can no longer express my feelings because I don't want others to be sad.. :( There is so much to say here, but I just don't want to brag. My dad tried to get me into counseling when I was 15, but I ended up convincing him I don't need it. I went like three times and it was extremely awkward, I was scared. I went blank and couldn't say anything. Arghh, I'm even getting teary just typing this. I just don't know where or what to do anymore. I've been trying to deal with everything on my own, but maybe I cant. Maybe that's why I am now finally asking for help...

Question #4:

Do you have to be licensed to give marital or relationship advice in the state of Texas?

For years I have been known to give great counseling and advice to individuals and couples about sex, marriage, relationships, etc. I have helped many relationships and marriages to stay together. I was wondering if I started a website and gave advice and charged for it or asked for donations would that be illegal. Especially if I added on the website that I am not a licensed Therapist.

I could have a statement that says "I am not a licensed Therapist, if you feel that you need other help seek professional help", or something close to that statement!
Thank you for your answers! A friend and I were discussing it and I am working on gaining my license for Marriage and Family Therapist. We were just wondering about it.

Question #5:

Does it sound as though marriage/couples therapy will be good for us?

Hubby and I have been married for just over 9 years. We still both love each other very much, but there are definitely some cracks in our relationship. We tend to argue an awful lot, with a lot of antagonizing and insulting each other, without getting our problems resolved. Often, we end up arguing about something different than what we started discussing. I also feel that my husband loses his temper with me far too easily, over very small things, and he gets very sarcastic and, well, mean when we argue. Our sex life is also suffering as I am almost always feeling resentful of him and I know that isn't helping my libido at all, he is very unsatisfied with our sex life and I feel like there is an expectancy for sex.

Despite this, we both really do love each other, and badly want to make our marriage work. We have no plans at all to separate, but we know that our relationship needs work, which we're both 100% committed to....I guess we just need some help. We both have quite stressful and busy lives and maybe some outside influence will give us the tools we need.

Does it sound as though counseling will be helpful for us? If you have been through it yourself, what was your experience? Many thanks.

Question #6:

Messy breakup / how to deal with HIS MOTHER....Help ! Narcissistic?

My fiancee of 1 year recently broke up with me. We are both in our 30's. At the beginning, he was the best man on the planet; attentive, caring, sincere and I thought I had found my soul-mate. Our problems began 6 months after we first started going out so I initiated counselling but it didn't work. Towards the end, he would ignore me, isolate himself in the bedroom to play online poker and yell and swear at me whenever I dared interrupt him or try to talk about our relationship. The arguing got so bad that I twice had to call the police after he threatened to smash my computer and phone. He never physically hit me. He has always been competitive and I have since learned that he also has Narcissistic tendencies.

The last time the Police came he was taken to his mother's for a 2 day cooling-off period then he came home. In the days that followed, he would pick fights with me constantly almost like he wanted an explosive fight to justify his exit. Part of me also believes his mother is somehow involved in the demise because since the break-up she has evicted her tenants and has offered him her fully furnished rental property to live in. And since I had no choice but to call the Police, I'm guessing she has me on her "most hated" list.

Two weeks down the track we are a couple again and I have forgiven him for his shortcomings.

We love each other very much but he has given up on the idea of marriage

Now when I want to visit him, I have to sneak past her place and it feels so wrong :-(

Problem is - his mother gave him such a good deal with the rent, there is no incentive for him to want to live together with me. How do I deal with the interferring mother? And is there a future for this relationship? Or am I part of the narcissistic supply?

Thanks everyone

Question #7:

FB relationship status......."it's complicated" what does that mean?

My fiancee of a year dumped me because we couldn't get on. Naturally I was devastated. We tried everything we could to make it work (including counselling) but in the end he decided to leave. He is now living in his mother's rental property and she is charging him next to nothing in rent. The arrangement is so cosy.........she evicted the previous tenants so he could move in! Now there is no incentive for him to come back and work on our relationship.

When he left we adopted the no-contact rule and after 2 weeks, decided on a face-to-face talk to see if space and time had changed anything. One thing leads to another and we end up sleeping together. The next day, he is acting like we are a couple again and we end up spending the rest of the day hanging out.

It's been a week since we became a couple again and slowly those doubts of "does he really love me or trying to keep me so no one else will have me?" and "will he dump me again?" questions keep coming up in my mind.

Today I text him to ask if he has updated his Facebook status from "single" to "in a relationship"
He tells me he has changed his Facebook relationship status to "its complicated"

What does this mean to a GUY? Can we ever move forward or am I just kidding myself?

Thanks

Question #8:

What's a typical time frame for couples to stay in therapy?

My husband and i entered marriage counseling a little over 1 year ago for some major issues in our relationship. We both wanted to save our marriage and wanted it to work so we agreed to therapy. We found a counselor we really liked and we have been seeing him since June 2009. Our marriage is now stronger than ever and we feel ready to stand on our own two feet and navigate the waters of marriage solo. Will our counselor suggest an endpoint for us or is it up to us to say something? Our therapy is free since it's paid for by my husbands employer (active duty military) so we've just kept going because cost isn't a factor and it has really helped us grow as a couple. But we feel we're at the point of time to try it solo and see how we do. We've learned how to argue effectively, how to communicate, and how to take care of one another and voice our opinions. Yes i will admit we should have known how to do these things BEFORE getting married but we got hitched young and learned some lessons the hard way. But we've been married almost 5 years and have come a long way. What do we do now? Do we suggest it to our counselor and see what he says? Also if you don't believe in therapy or think its a quack science keep your comments to yourself..Therapy has very much helped my marriage in fact even saved it so no smart Alec remarks needed. If we feel we're ready to fly solo do we just need to ask the counselor if he feels we're ready? Please no rude comments or suggestions that we read books or other self help crap instead of therapy to fix our marriage. Opinions from actual therapists or couples who've been in therapy long term would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
We currently go twice a month and have no co-pays like i stated above. And to the guy who said real couples don't need therapy, your a prime example of a man who probably needs it the most,lol..

Question #9:

MY MOM MAKES EXCUSES WHY SHE DOESN'T COME AROUND?

My mom and I have a rocky relationship. It has gotten worse since I had my daughter (who is 2). My mom hardly ever comes to see my daughter and I have a son who is 7 weeks. I asked her why she never comes around and the two reasons she gave me for not coming around were because my mother in law sees my kids more and also she feels that my mother in law is put before her (more important). Well I think these are dumb excuses. My mother in law has been there for my husband and I since day 1. Even before we had kids she always gave a ride somewhere if we needed it. Showed up to my high school events when my mom was too busy drinking at the bar. Helped me learn to drive when my mom "didnt" have the time. Helped me with our wedding and baby showers. To tell you the truth I haven't see my mom step up and help or be there for me. But she will blab about how she feels like Jodee is more important. Well I feel so angry at her for hardly being there for me and she tries to put the blame on me. She doesn't take any responsibility for our realtionship being so sour. I have tried and tried to get this relationship going again. I have taken her to lunch and tried to explain how i feel and what we should do I have talked to her in person and on the phone. We have had many arguments about it and she still says she doesn't blame herelf for any thing. She still tries to put her feelings before mine. I talk to my husband and a few close friends about all of this and every time I get told why don't you guys just cut off ties or write her off or why dont you just move on. I think it would be easier to move on if I had my mom and dad there to support me but I dont. I haven't spoken to my dad since I was 15 and I haven't seen him since I was 7. He chose to not be in my life. My mom is an alcoholic and puts that and men before my brother and I. I feel like I can't let go or move on from this. I am grateful for the relationship I have with my mother in law but it doesn't make me feel complete without having my family there to support me too. I brought up counseling to my mom and she agrees to go but I dont really think she will unless its convenient for her. She did ask why we couldn't just start talking again and why did we need the counseling? so to me it seems she is blind and numb to our situation and doesn't want to face it. I just want to know i've tried everything before I close all ties with her.

Question #10:

Don't believe in divorce,but think that I may have to separate? Is it stupid/selfish to have a baby?

I love my husband very much but I know that I can't remain in our relationship the way that it is; he disrespects me, is emotionally/ psychologically abusive to me but refuses to change or to go to counseling. I don't need anyone to judge my belief, but I truly do not believe in divorce and though we may not be together I will not remarry, of this I am certain. We do not currently have any children and I know that a functional, loving, two parent home is the ideal place to raise a child. Is it crazy, stupid, or selfish to have a child? because I want one, but know I will not marry again hence not have the opportunity to have a child. I have the financial means to care for a child on my own.
I would not try to keep my husband from his child at all. I know that he would not abandon the kid. Nor is this something I would do to trick him.

Question #11:

A Complicated Situation: Online Friendship, Divorce, Dating?

I met him gaming online 3yrs ago, we were instant friends and soon became inseparable (when online) as well as everyone's favorite duo. There was always an unspoken attraction between us because we got along famously and worked so well together as a team, not to mention EVERYONE we met wanted to see us together, but we both resolved to remain platonic to keep from risking such a wonderful friendship. Besides he was seeing someone in real life, and honestly we didn't REALLY know each other, no matter how much we would chat, talk on the phone or webcam. We had never met in real life, so we can’t truly know how someone else is... right?

We quickly got to be very close friends out of character. I had no qualms about talking about my personal life but he was a bit guarded at first; told me a few things about his troubled relationship with his girlfriend and about his wonderful 1yr old son. It wasn’t long before I was coaxing details. I tried to help him see things from his girl’s perspective so he could better understand her to troubleshoot and resolve their problems without a split, for their son’s sake. Eventually he felt guilty and wanted me to know the ‘real him’. “I haven’t been honest with you. It’s weird because I’ve never even met you but you’ve been a better friend than anyone I know in real life and well…” he started, “Let me guess,” I interjected, “You’re ten years older than you say you are, you’re married and have 3 children not one.” A stunned silence followed, “Damn you know me too well,” he says, “11yrs older, married and 2 children.” At this point in time I already knew I was in love with him, BUT because I loved him I knew where I stood and steeled myself to respecting and protecting his 10yr marriage.

Eventually I got with someone else and married him. I will honestly admit that I knew I was settling, I was certain the man I was marrying would be a good husband. Though I loved the man at the end of the aisle, all I could think about was the friend I had ‘never met’. I simply kept shoving those feelings deeper, telling myself he was a married man, and I was now a married woman.

My marriage was not what I had expected; the man I thought would make a great husband was abusive, often turned to alcohol instead of me for comfort and pleasure, shut me out emotionally, shunned me spiritually, and spent money like water. My online friend also continued to have similar problems within his own marriage, his wife ironically a near replica of my husband. Needless to say, we were able to counsel each other very well, sharing what worked and what didn’t, befriended each other spouses and trouble-shoot with them as well, praying together for our spouses, our marriages and each other. And of course, outside of our counseling sessions we now all still enjoyed each killing pixilated monsters together online.

I couldn’t take it anymore and made the decision to leave my husband. In my opinion I had already wasted enough time as it was, and tried every venue to reach my husband. I didn’t want to end up trying for 12yrs like my friend online to no avail, on top of everything have children to complicate things more. Mere months later, my online friend’s marriage suddenly took a turn for the worst as well. To an outsider it doesn’t look like the coincidence that it was, but this is where we are.

Both of us are separated now; 4 months myself, and 1.5 months for him. We have both made it blatantly clear to our spouses ‘it’s really over’ and are in the process of filing for divorces at different intervals and through different situations and means. Suddenly dating is an option, and our rapidly deepening feelings are no longer quite so secret between us. Since we have been so close for so long, the topic was broached in a discussion. We are both eager to actually meet for the very first time, but we want to do this right. We have considered the situation from many angles, and vantage points.
So the questions for you, dear reader are:

1.We have never met, but we have talked on an almost daily basis for 3yrs now via chat, im, phone calls, txts, webcam, etc. We have even met each other’s family members this way, parents, spouses, and children (his). We both feel we truly know the other, and trust each other completely, but we fear there is more to learn or that we are missing something because of the mere distance. Is this true? How well can you really know someone in an online friendship?

2.You know generally the circumstances, and the situation. He is 10yrs older than me, and has two children. Is it wrong to be seriously considering dating? What would/could constitute wrong in this situation? Would it be wrong or immoral of us to finally meet?
3.Based on his age and children, a few of my friends are telling me I will be ‘missing out’ on part of my life. They also say I would never have all of him b/c his past has taken pieces of his heart. BUT I know him. He is the type of person to put his relationship FIRST. He’s always told me, “If the husband and wife can’t get along and function well the whole family falls apart. And if the husband and wife take the time to care for and love each other, having a strong “team” relationship the children will automatically be that much easier to care for.” This statement leads me to believe that he would pour all of his efforts into the relationship itself as well as his children and any we would later conceive. If we really are as relationally compatible as we are online, what do I really have to loose here? Are my friends misguided in their concerns for a deficit on my part in our potential relationship?
4.I know in detail the extent of his “baggage” and he knows in detail the extent of my own. Lastly I would like to ask those of you who have dated/married into relationships with children and potentially vindictive ex-spouses in someone’s past; Can the potential for a wonderful relationship maybe eventually a wonderful marriage make all the “baggage” worth it?

Question #12:

I want to seperate... am I a bad person?

I am 21, my husband 22, we have been together 6 years, married 2years... The past 4 of those years have not been so great... no so bad but not great.
Basically there is no love left in our relationship, we are just together because it is easy, and it is all that we know, because we have only been with each other.
I have been talking to him about a separation for almost a year now. We have tried marriage counseling, and that helped a little. Now we just argue less, but basically we don't talk to each other, don't kiss, no sex, nothing. Well..... here is my problem...
Our room ate just moved out of our house and 3 states away.. and before he moved he and I told each other how we really feel about one another. I am head over heels for this guy! I have known him for 3years and we have both liked each other that long, but neither of us had the courage to tell the other, and because obviously I am married.
I have planed on separating from my husband for the past year, and now that this other guy told me this, I just feel like it is bad timing for me to move out and start dating one of his friends right away. I don't want my husband to think I have been cheating on him, because I have NOT.

Please give me some advice.
okay.. part of the reason we got married in the first place is because my husband was in the military... that lifestyle forces marriage on you, ask any military guy. I know that I am doing something wrong by even thinking about this, I never claimed I was the perfect wife. But my husband feels like I do. He flat out has told me that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore and he doesn't know why. We stay together because we think it will get better but it never does, just worse.
This other guy is just bad timing. I honestly was going to leave my husband before that situation came about.

Question #13:

I have general anxiety disorder and im on medication but im still stuggling with things, some adive plz?

Im 19 years old and i hav generalized anxiety disorder and i am be treated for it (medication and counseling). But even though im being treated im still having a very hard time controlling all of my anxious thoughts and its really frustrating for me. There is many things that i really can not control even with my medication. Before i took meds i struggled with: worrying constantly about simple things that dont matter, shakiness, asking "what if questions" to my myself in my head, and i always had i thing where i assume everyone doesnt like me or is mad in some way at me. However now that im treated i mostly struggle with what ifs and false assumptions. I feel like this is ruining my relationships with my friends and my family. I might have already ruined one of my important important friendships with a close friend. An example of the way i ct/think: If one of my co-workers walks in the door and i say hello, and they dont answer (maybe they didnt hear or are distracted) ill assume that their mad at me and ill worry about it, usually for a long period of time (sometimes the whole day). So if that happened and the person talked to me later id ignore them or be really depressed even though nothing would be wrong. That may sound silly but thats my reality and i honestly dont realize i do this until later in the day or days after. After that ill ask myself in my head about what if statements, such as; "what if he thinks im a weirdo" or " what happens if he wont be my friend anymore" or "what if he ignores me because i made him mad". I get these feelings and thoughts everyday and especially around my close friends. I told one of my close friends about my condition and she was fine and accepted me, but shortly after that we havent talked in a whole month (we used to talk all the time). Im wondering if because i told her it could hav affected our friendship and this kills me inside. Im afraid to tell others the whole story like i told her out of fear the same thing will happen, but i did let some others know i had a type of social problem. Is there anyway to deal or counter these thoughts i get? Is there something i can do or learn to help prevent these from reoccuring so often? Any advice would be great, like i said this is really hard for me to deal with and i really hate being like this. So any tips or thoughts????

Question #14:

what do you think is going on?

My husband and I separated two years ago because of infidelity and lack of honesty on his part. Over the past six months we began trying to make this work. We live in different states and I decided to come back to our home for the summer. During this time things have gone okay, except one problem. A few weeks before I arrived his attitude completely shifted. He was no longer calling me, we hardly spoke until about a week prior to my arrival when he told me, "I don't think I love you anymore", and "Im afraid I'm going to do something that will forever hurt our relationship" (sleep with someone else is all that comes to my mind). We have been here for over 8 weeks and are going to counseling, but he says that he,"has a wall up" because to much time passed during our separation. The other factor is that he mentioned that he has no real desire to be sexual right now. What do you think is going on? I'm confused, I ask him whats going on and he says that I rejected him so much in the past that now he has a complex with me. That doesn't explain his entire mood shift and the comments he made on the phone. Any advice will be appreciated.

Question #15:

What would you do? (therapy session)?

Ok so basically I got married to whom I thought was the love of my life in high school, also my first real relationship... Well we had a unplanned pregnancy in high school and since then I had been in limbo wondering what it was I wanted and wanted to do. Now I will be the first to admit I had grown to resent the situation and wasn't a good husband for the first two years I was suffering from depression but I am not going to use it as a crutch, I just wasn't nice or as loving as I should be. I never could talk to her and tell her what I was actually was feeling because I felt she was much more of an intellectual than me and every time we started to fight I just felt stupid and she handled it so much better. I had grown very addicted to gaming too, I used it as a way to escape the stress. It had put a huge strain on our relationship and I was finally able to kick it by the waist-side this past school year (we are both full-time college students). I was starting to turn myself around (too little, too late).

Just this past summer I accepted a job over several hours from her and our kids (had another a year or so ago - which I didn't want at the time because I was really unhappy - but loved regardless and have a much better relationship with than the older). About a week into the new job (government job so I didn't want to turn it down or back out due to longevity and stability it could mean for my family) I went up to visit them and we fought and I said some stuff about how we got married because of the kid and I thought love would grow because of what I saw and had thought. First off this fight was mainly based off an external factor of a person staying with her family that she was "planned" to get married to when younger. She flirted around with this person the past summer and said she was just "friends" with when confronted. Even though she drove me to rid myself of platonic friendships it was now suddenly fine for her. What I said obviously hurt her and I tried explaining it and how I just didn't understand why she just wouldn't move with me for the summer and I thought she decided to go back home and stay with her family because she knew. She denied it all and was most likely truthful. I ended up coming up every weekend besides two which I had to work. I begged her to come and bring the kids up for a few days and she never would come up although I had a place and it was just as good if not better then our housing when in school.

I also have big insecurities and have never really been social. I really have a strong distrust towards people and haven't explored counseling enough to figure out why. Anyways with this I really don't approve of drinking, sure you can have a few at home but I just think going out to bars with friends is not kosher with me when you have kids. Which is a big downfall of me I bet but I just have seen so much destruction of relationships due to drinking that I won't risk and don't like inviting the risk of it in. Since I have known us neither of us have been big party-goers or the like. This summer she started going out and had a few drinks at the bar with her friend and the first weekend we were back home she had invited her friend and was gone the whole day and night shopping and visited several pubs with her friend. She spent our only weekend together and free before school with her friend. Now this will be the second weekend and this Friday is our anniversary. She planned to go out with her friend and drink this weekend and seems to totally have blown off our relationship and everything, when we just got to the point around mid-August where we decided we could give our marriage a second try. It just seems as if she is done with our relationship, I told her I don't like her drinking and she has even filled up a cupboard full of vodka and tequila among other drinks she planned to take up this weekend. I just really don't know what to do or to tell her. I want it to work out because I can't imagine life without her (well who she used to be) and also for the kids because I love them but it seems as if she has flipped a switch and she's become somebody that I wouldn't want to spend my life with anymore.

Am I just being stupid and am I completely wrong? What would you do or say/feel if you were in this situation?
Didn't want to add details but yea our sex life sucks because its always this or that and the kids are up or sleeping in the same bed or something! I have really been busy trying to keep my mind of sex but it is a big stress in the back of my head. I am young and at my peak but emotional I am pretty strungout so am not feeling in the mood either.
I really have thought about marriage counseling but still haven't gotten it to be an agreeable thing yet. With the job she even told me I should take it and when I was about to back out she told me that its something I needed to do and take advantage of. I never thought of the alcohol as her escape and I asked her if this was something I could expect for the rest of our life and she said yes because she can buy it now and isn't breast feeding our kids anymore. Her family even told her over the summer that she has changed - which is kind of where I first found out from - and she is sick of people saying she's changed and its just that she is able to so she is going to do it.

Question #16:

Does intimacy matter in a spiritual relationship or not ?

This is my friend's question:
I am going to live together with my boyfriend , so i moved out of my apartment . Now the problem is we have a beautiful spiritual relationship , and great conversations . We like allot of the same things and we give each other room . But the big problem is that we hardly share any intimacy . And this is already for months, and it starts to wear me out . I keep on transforming the energy , and try not to make a point of it because all the rest is very good . But he doesn't even kiss me ! Today we had a fight about all of this because i didn't dare too say it for months . And now everything comes out . I know he wants to live with me , but how do i know if i make the right decision .Because he keeps talking about planning so many things and doing workshops together and counseling people but how can i be a counsel for other people if i don't have total love myself . Please Help me ! Regards Marijke friend of Jonhhy

Question #17:

How do you move on? Please no rude comments, and I don't want counseling.?

My husband and I divorced, (he cheated 3 times, told another girl he loved her and was leaving me for her. When I asked him he lied about it, when all 3 of us were face-2-face he apologized said he loved me and didn't wanna lose me.). Other than my husband I have only loved one other man, my daughters father. We were engaged and he got killed. How do I move on? I have been in relationships since but can't help but think about her father, I still cry almost daily, and I'm not sure I will ever get past it. I believe it is hurting my current relationship but I dont know how to get past it. I dont want to forget, I just want to heal and move on.
He died 3 1/2 yrs ago...since then, I moved across the county, moved back, then moved 3 hours away from our hometown. The only things I have of his were pictures that I want 2 keep for my daughter and his letters he wrote me, which are put away in storage. I have taken breaks from relationship and I feel the same.
Maybe I haven't had the proper grieving methods, maybe I dont know how to grieve, I dont know. Just confused an not sure how to move on.

Question #18:

Does this marriage need to end?

I am in such a mess right now. I grew up in a very bad family situation, and I got married fairly young to a very nice, goofy guy. He's nice, but I don't care for him the way I use to. It's one of those situations where all those things you liked about the person or ignored really start to surface. We've been married almost 2 years and we don't have the healthiest relationship anymore. He drinks quite a lot and becomes very nasty, sometimes abusive(verbally and physically). I can't play the victim, because I usually fight right back. Things are different now that we have a child (4 months), which is my number one priority. I'm wondering if I should end the marriage to ensure that my son grows up in a healthy environment. We have tried family counseling for about 8 months and that didn't seem to help. We don't get along, we are very mean to each other and I am just longing to be alone with my son for good, even though when my husband is gone for a full day I seem to miss him quite a bit. I don't want my son to grow up thinking that marriage should be anything like what we have. I've talked to him about divorce many times, he gets very sad and doesn't want to talk about it, he either ignores me or leaves. But day after day we just consistently spew venom at each other. I feel awful, and I feel as though guilt is what's holding me back. Guilt and, as pathetic as this sounds, image. We come from religious backgrounds and this type of this is seriously judged. I love him intensely at times, but talk of divorce comes up almost every other day, we both have lingering anger issues, we fight every single day, and sometimes he is very violent towards me. It's an intense relationship that shifts constantly from good to bad. Have I exhausted all my options? I just want to do what is best for my son. How messy really is divorce? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Question #19:

Help with my brother?PLZ help?

okay, I don't rly expect most of you guys to know what to say to this but I'll just jump. My brother is an abuser, basically just mentally verbally and I guess emotionally. He talks to my-- well I should say he YELLS at my mother and treats her like she is nothing. She says "shut up" because he is disrespecting her and he says things like "WHY DON'T YOU". He is very immature and the "low blow" type of personality. He will take cheap shots at me and my mom and make little comments. He has the mind of a child; how relationships work, how to talk to his family the right way, etc. I'm not fixin to go to COUNSELING or any that because of who he is and the way he thinks, it won't work, he won't let it sink in. Today he was screaming at me to go find something of his and I was yelling back at him and he goes "FIND IT!!" and I got tired of hearing him yell so I said "You're gonna have to wait till I'm done with this cuz I'm busy" and then he goes "that's better" calmly and walks away. That comment made me so mad because he said SO MUCH to me with just two words and I can't talk to him like a normal person becasue his way of thinking is "avoiding confrontation" and when he said that it was like a "YEA YOU BETTER DO WHAT I SAY"type of thinking you know? and I am the type of person that will feel most comfortable doing everything you tell me not to do and nothing you tell me to do so when he said that it made me feel like he felt like he was king of the house and I didn't want to do anything for him anymore. And I think that if I actually do what he tells me to do it will subconsciously give him the impression that I stand by this way of thinking. He feels like he controls me and my mom, because that is what abusers feel like, and I want him to know that it is whack and he needs to get his SH1T straight. I know I can't change him, I've accepted that but I just need help. That comment hit me so hard I couldn't even think of what to say. So any help???
He is 17 yrs. old and I'm 14 btw

Question #20:

I look at my husband and feel...?

disgust? I'm a terrible wife. We've been together for years, we've had 2 children. What used to attract me to him just doesn't anymore. I look at his chest and biceps and they are still ok. But, I look at his pooching stomach and think "ha, now you know what it feels like to be overweight"! I look at his legs and feet and think gross. I look at his face and feel none of the love I felt when we were first married. In the bedroom, the deed gets done, but it's nothing special. Hasn't been in years. Don't get me wrong, we both.... but there hasn't been any romance in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I ask for it. I try to spice things up, but.... it seems that since we've had children, everything has gone downhill. I love my babes and wouldn't trade them for the world! It also bothers me that we are trying to raise our children in a Christian household, yet he looks at porn on the internet. It has ruined my self esteem. I don't care about my weight(I'm only 30 lbs overweight, but currently prego). I am so little respect for him as a man, especially as a Christian man. I'm disgusted that he looks at that and ashamed that I've led him to it. If I were prettier, thinner, more spontaneous he wouldn't look at that stuff. Then I get angry and think it's his problem. He always apologizes and says he doesn't want to look at it, it's just a form of "release"..... I honestly have moments where I think I hate him for making me feel so worthless. Then, I tell myself no woman should ever feel this way about her husband and I'm ashamed I even had the thought. He's a great dad, he provides well so I can stay home. But, our relationship has just never recovered from the porn. I've never told anyone and am embarrassed. I've asked him to go to counseling at church and he says he will, but never seems to go....

Has anyone ever felt this way about their husband? Did counseling work? Am I a terrible wife?
EDIT: This is my secret account, but not a troll question. I'm too embarrased to ask under my regular account.

EDIT: I do not believe in porn, it is not mething that Christian men should look at. He agrees and was raised that way. That's the way we will raise our children. If you enjoy, that's fine. But we think it's wrong, obviousl more me then he.





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