Question #1:
Wife has given me pure hell over past few weeks.?
First, busted for buying stuff to make meth, then admits addicted to it. Had my 3yo with her when busted. Got her out of jail, and then second whammy, she said she don't want to be with me. Fine, Filing for divorce. NOW, she wants to work things out. I am not sure what to do.Other facts: We have 2 kids with each other and 6 total. (all mine)
Her rights paternal rights where suspended when she was arrested, however, they
DCS, are holding off doing anything till after her court to see where they are proceeding.
She had started talking to other guys online threw some cheater site called
myfacebook. And YES it is a cheaters site, all you see on there is cheaters and
scum (ANYONE who would go for a married person is scum) BUT says she wont talk
to them anymore. (key logger on all computers now)(she agreed to it)(i also have
access to cell phone records online to see if she is texting them, and she knows)
Ex wife is now living here helping somewhat, but idk, all good for now, but feel like i am
sitting on the bow of the Titanic.
**She has told me she was diagnosed before with ADHD and BiPolar. but not on meds.
My wife agrees that we need marriage counseling, and she needs drug counseling.
Is there HOPE?? anyone out there been in this situation before?
My main concern is the kids. (I have custody during this due to state, and would retain them if we divorce so its not a kids thing) and keeping their life somewhat stable.
Question #2:
Messy breakup / how to deal with HIS MOTHER....Help ! Narcissistic?
My fiancee of 1 year recently broke up with me. We are both in our 30's. At the beginning, he was the best man on the planet; attentive, caring, sincere and I thought I had found my soul-mate. Our problems began 6 months after we first started going out so I initiated counselling but it didn't work. Towards the end, he would ignore me, isolate himself in the bedroom to play online poker and yell and swear at me whenever I dared interrupt him or try to talk about our relationship. The arguing got so bad that I twice had to call the police after he threatened to smash my computer and phone. He never physically hit me. He has always been competitive and I have since learned that he also has Narcissistic tendencies.The last time the Police came he was taken to his mother's for a 2 day cooling-off period then he came home. In the days that followed, he would pick fights with me constantly almost like he wanted an explosive fight to justify his exit. Part of me also believes his mother is somehow involved in the demise because since the break-up she has evicted her tenants and has offered him her fully furnished rental property to live in. And since I had no choice but to call the Police, I'm guessing she has me on her "most hated" list.
Two weeks down the track we are a couple again and I have forgiven him for his shortcomings.
We love each other very much but he has given up on the idea of marriage
Now when I want to visit him, I have to sneak past her place and it feels so wrong :-(
Problem is - his mother gave him such a good deal with the rent, there is no incentive for him to want to live together with me. How do I deal with the interferring mother? And is there a future for this relationship? Or am I part of the narcissistic supply?
Thanks everyone
Question #3:
A Complicated Situation: Online Friendship, Divorce, Dating?
I met him gaming online 3yrs ago, we were instant friends and soon became inseparable (when online) as well as everyone's favorite duo. There was always an unspoken attraction between us because we got along famously and worked so well together as a team, not to mention EVERYONE we met wanted to see us together, but we both resolved to remain platonic to keep from risking such a wonderful friendship. Besides he was seeing someone in real life, and honestly we didn't REALLY know each other, no matter how much we would chat, talk on the phone or webcam. We had never met in real life, so we can’t truly know how someone else is... right?We quickly got to be very close friends out of character. I had no qualms about talking about my personal life but he was a bit guarded at first; told me a few things about his troubled relationship with his girlfriend and about his wonderful 1yr old son. It wasn’t long before I was coaxing details. I tried to help him see things from his girl’s perspective so he could better understand her to troubleshoot and resolve their problems without a split, for their son’s sake. Eventually he felt guilty and wanted me to know the ‘real him’. “I haven’t been honest with you. It’s weird because I’ve never even met you but you’ve been a better friend than anyone I know in real life and well…” he started, “Let me guess,” I interjected, “You’re ten years older than you say you are, you’re married and have 3 children not one.” A stunned silence followed, “Damn you know me too well,” he says, “11yrs older, married and 2 children.” At this point in time I already knew I was in love with him, BUT because I loved him I knew where I stood and steeled myself to respecting and protecting his 10yr marriage.
Eventually I got with someone else and married him. I will honestly admit that I knew I was settling, I was certain the man I was marrying would be a good husband. Though I loved the man at the end of the aisle, all I could think about was the friend I had ‘never met’. I simply kept shoving those feelings deeper, telling myself he was a married man, and I was now a married woman.
My marriage was not what I had expected; the man I thought would make a great husband was abusive, often turned to alcohol instead of me for comfort and pleasure, shut me out emotionally, shunned me spiritually, and spent money like water. My online friend also continued to have similar problems within his own marriage, his wife ironically a near replica of my husband. Needless to say, we were able to counsel each other very well, sharing what worked and what didn’t, befriended each other spouses and trouble-shoot with them as well, praying together for our spouses, our marriages and each other. And of course, outside of our counseling sessions we now all still enjoyed each killing pixilated monsters together online.
I couldn’t take it anymore and made the decision to leave my husband. In my opinion I had already wasted enough time as it was, and tried every venue to reach my husband. I didn’t want to end up trying for 12yrs like my friend online to no avail, on top of everything have children to complicate things more. Mere months later, my online friend’s marriage suddenly took a turn for the worst as well. To an outsider it doesn’t look like the coincidence that it was, but this is where we are.
Both of us are separated now; 4 months myself, and 1.5 months for him. We have both made it blatantly clear to our spouses ‘it’s really over’ and are in the process of filing for divorces at different intervals and through different situations and means. Suddenly dating is an option, and our rapidly deepening feelings are no longer quite so secret between us. Since we have been so close for so long, the topic was broached in a discussion. We are both eager to actually meet for the very first time, but we want to do this right. We have considered the situation from many angles, and vantage points.
So the questions for you, dear reader are:
1.We have never met, but we have talked on an almost daily basis for 3yrs now via chat, im, phone calls, txts, webcam, etc. We have even met each other’s family members this way, parents, spouses, and children (his). We both feel we truly know the other, and trust each other completely, but we fear there is more to learn or that we are missing something because of the mere distance. Is this true? How well can you really know someone in an online friendship?
2.You know generally the circumstances, and the situation. He is 10yrs older than me, and has two children. Is it wrong to be seriously considering dating? What would/could constitute wrong in this situation? Would it be wrong or immoral of us to finally meet?
3.Based on his age and children, a few of my friends are telling me I will be ‘missing out’ on part of my life. They also say I would never have all of him b/c his past has taken pieces of his heart. BUT I know him. He is the type of person to put his relationship FIRST. He’s always told me, “If the husband and wife can’t get along and function well the whole family falls apart. And if the husband and wife take the time to care for and love each other, having a strong “team” relationship the children will automatically be that much easier to care for.” This statement leads me to believe that he would pour all of his efforts into the relationship itself as well as his children and any we would later conceive. If we really are as relationally compatible as we are online, what do I really have to loose here? Are my friends misguided in their concerns for a deficit on my part in our potential relationship?
4.I know in detail the extent of his “baggage” and he knows in detail the extent of my own. Lastly I would like to ask those of you who have dated/married into relationships with children and potentially vindictive ex-spouses in someone’s past; Can the potential for a wonderful relationship maybe eventually a wonderful marriage make all the “baggage” worth it?
Question #4:
What are some websites where i can counsel troubled teens anonymously?
I want to help troubled teens onlineQuestion #5:
Will counseling work for online cheating?
My fiancee had been messing around on the internet, dating and swingers sites and stuff. He says he only met one person offline and nothing happened, but did admit to "chatting" with women from different sites, saying he was just "goofing around." I view this as cheating, especially when he goes to the planning and trouble to actually go meet someone and take it into the real world. He has been bending over backwards to give me extra love and attention since then. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. He agreed to counseling and said he would do anything necessary to make me stay and be happy. I explicitly asked HIM to arrange it. I felt I was owed at least that. Over a month has passed and nothing. I want to believe he really loves me and wants our relationship to work, like I said he has been wonderful in many other ways and makes a visible effort to make me the top of his priority list....except for this. It hurts me that all I asked for was this to help fix us, and he said ok. Why isn't he following thru? Am I making a bigger deal of this than I should? I feel his cheating, and yes, it was cheating.The reason was he gave me for doing this...he says he was just goofing around and it was like it wasn't even him, like it was another person doing it. He immediatley deleted everything when confronted and has since allowed me open access to his home computer and blackberry. Of course, I still don't know what he does at work... I saw emails he sent to this woman he met up with and he said pretty intimate things to her...told her about his son, and told her that he feels they have more than just a physical connection. When asked about this, he said it was just "online talk" and meant nothing. One email I saw talked about how she had his scarf...how does that happen if you have only met once for 5 minutes as he claims?? I want to believe him so badly...my children and I moved here to be with him and his children and I love him so much. What he doesn't seem to understand is that a part of himself that should have been reserved for me and our relationship was being pan-handled to others.
Might I also say, we have been in the midst of planning our wedding when all this came out in the open.
Should I just go to counseling alone?
Question #6:
he loves his sister and he need counseling?
well... i know this guy, he is 30 years old and he loves his little sister very much ( she is 18 years old ) but the problem that he loves her in a BAD way, sometimes he thought about her sexually, i know it's weird but he needs a real solution, he'll never hurt her or even let her know that he thought about her like that, he was in another country away from his family ( including her ) for 11 years and she was just 5 years old and now when she is older he saw her as a real woman, he knows that he needs a real counseling but in his country there isn't any place who can help him, and he can't pay for the psychos, is there any online counseling? or what he can do, he can't do anything and all he wants is to stop thinking about her in that way.PLEASE HELP!
n HE is not ME, just he's a guy i know and i'd like to help him.
Question #7:
My wife saids she still love me, even after what she saw on my email accts, but her actions show different.?
My wife and I have been married for 9 years, throughout those years we've been on a rollercoaster ride, cycling from good to bad from bad to good. But as of last December of 09' we have been blinded by fog, so thick it has seperated our relationship where we cant seem to work things out anymore.I think our probleml started from the gate of our relationship, our biggest mistake was not seeking counseling at the start of our foundation when problems out of our hands arose.
. What I remember that bothered me the most was hearing my wife talk about her past.i felt very crushed and heart broken to hear what she said, but I still accepted her for who she was, because i thought she was a wonderful person. I dont know why she would go to that extent about being open about things but now when I ask her she denies everything she ever said about her past. Except certain things she still says when shes's pissed at me. She likes to "throw" her sons dad in my face when mad at me or compare our penis size and say I have a smaller one, why would she say this??? At that time I told her I was insecure about my size, eventhough I am 3 inches above average. She would also bragg to her sister about the night her son got conceived, what i dont understand is that when i met her she hated her ex's guts. She wanted me to kick his ass, she had fun talking about how she starved her ex's snake to death when he bailed out on her. Her son was about to turn 2 when I met her, so all this must of been fresh when i met her
What am I suppose to feel???? I blame myself for letting it drag 9 years like this.....So Last Dcember she hacked into all my emails, myspace, and facebook. She found out that I was meeting girls at the local bar and keeping in touch with them. Nothing sexual happened, nor dirty talk or touching, but she thinks I went with the intention to cheat on her. She went psycho this time, she was talking weird and digging through the online history to find out what was never there. I felt bad and guilty, I still love my wife to death, but she's got me all confused. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but her actions show different. She like to isolate herself when im around, she said she is still hurt cause of me meeting people at the bar, she saids she never wanted it to be this way, she blames me for not being there when she needed me the most, she never imagined me to be this way. IM CONFUSED,soundds to me like she feels guilty about something. She's not sexually driven no more, it has gone from 4-5x a week to maybe 1-3x in 3 weeks. She doesnt notice me hanging on to whats left of the relationship. I want to divorce, but I dont think it should come down to that, I love her too much to dump her off. We are giving marriage therapy a shot, we'll see what happens.
Besides divorce any other suggestions
Question #8:
Can't afford help, but what other alternatives do I have?
I recently told my parents that I need to see a counselor or therapist because I think there's something wrong with me and I think I need some sort of medication or something to correct it. It was very hard for me to open up about it because I've been feeling like this for a long time and I was afraid that they'd think I was crazy or something. However, when I told them that I thought I needed help, they told me that they didn't have the money to take me to a doctor. They tried to help me themselves by talking to me, but I felt better for like a day and now it's starting back. So, I need to know are there other alternatives like free counseling online or therapists that are free? I really need help because I'm seriously considering suicide just so I won't have to feel this way anymore.Question #9:
Should I stay married to my husband?
This will be long, but here it goes. Ive been with my husband for a little over three years, married for two. Our relationship started off rocky, we liked eachother but I would really call it love. We then broke up because he started talking to prostitutes and other girls online looking for more, etc. A month later, his father passed away, and he started talking to me, and I comforted him, and then we got back together. Things were great, and a two months later we were engaged. Throughout our engagement, he went online some more and talked dirty to girls, even said some nasty things about me to them (as in I wasnt pleasing him), and started talking to a man who was homosexual, gave this man my address at my apartment because thats where he was at the time, so that this man could give my husband oral pleasure. During this time I was at work, and my husband says he left after he gave the guy my address, and doesnt know if the guy showed up, and also said that he did this because he was 'horney.' Couple months later caught him doing the online crap again, but down the road we got married. I had doubts about the marriage, but for some reason I went through with it. I almost thought maybe he would change, or maybe something would change I dont know. Throughout our engagement and marriage we fought constantly. I was going through a small rough patch with my mother, which is over now, but that added stress. My husbands parents passed away, one before I met him and one during (technically theyre his grandparents, but his grandparents raised him so he thinks of them as parents), there was a fight with the rest of his family over the estate because my husbands 'parents' left everything to him, but the will dissappeared, long story short his extended family pretty much treated him like trash, including his biological parents. He kept in contact with his biological parents, but it wasnt the same as his 'parents.' We moved quite a bit, had some money trouble, but nothing no one else hasnt gone through and fought a lot. Everytime I tried working on things, he would get really mad and randomly have outbursts on my in a physical way, instead of just emotional. Hes thrown me into walls, breaking the drywall, presses into my skin to creat bruises, hurts my dog who means the world to me, wripped my clothes, pushes me around etc. All this has happened during fights, and Ive pushed him back and thrown things at him too protecting myself and dog, and sometimes Ive pushed him out of my face which has caused him to go crazy on me so Im not 100% innocent either. I dont really trust him, we are not intimate anymore, havent had sex in almost a year now, dont really kiss, rarely hug, no cuddling etc. I have low self esteem, and he says that the reason he doesnt try to have sex with me anymore is because he hates the fact that he has to "romance" me before sex, because he just wants to jump in the sack and go for it. (sorry if TMI). Theres no love in our relationship. He does not keep up on his hygeine, and smells including his breath. He says that will change but after two years of marriage it still hasnt. The other day he got on craiglist looking at 'casual encounters' again, and balled his eyes out calling me apologizing, but says he just looked at pictures. On a happy note, when were not fighting we seem like best friends. We can laugh with eachother, both have a huge sense of humor, but seems like were just friends. We dont fight as much anymore, but ever since I told him I think we need to look into marriage counseling hes been having the outbursts again, not as bad but still. Im scared to leave because i dont want to have any regrets. Every time after he gets mean (yelling or being physical) he feels really bad and apologizes. Im confused, should I do marriage counseling? Should I just leave? I dont know, I guess Im just looking for input from another person. Maybe someone whos been in a divorce can kind of tell me their story and how they came up to their decision. Before I met him I used to think girls like me were stupid for staying, but here I am?? ugh, I dont know I almost hope that he will cheat on me so I feel I have more reason to leave, but I dont even know if Id leave then. Any advice, input etc would be greatly appreciated. And please, dont be harsh on me. Thank you.On an another note, recently he went out of town for work, and came home on the weekends (it was for a new job), and I didnt miss him a bit. I felt better that he was gone because I didnt have to deal with the bull crap. And after he came back, I went out of town for a week and a half to visit family, and I was so much happier there. It was my hometown, I felt relaxed, I was crying one time because of how much I hated my life. I think thats about it.
Thank you for the advice and comments. I guess I dont know, I never really felt like it was abuse because he didnt like give me a black eye or anything. And yeah it definitely doesnt pay, its been ruining my personality. I just thought that maybe marriage counseling would help, I just hate to get a divorce, I'd feel like a failure.
To Cartman: That stuff was the stuff he did in the past, if that matters. I mean besides the recent look on craigslist, I know I sound stupid. The worst part is, is that Im about to graduate college, I have a decent career in banking, its not like Im uneducated, I dont know whats wrong with me. I used to be the most independent woman I knew, now Im working part time depending on a job hopper. I just feel like its my fault too. Ugh, I dont know. Thank you for your input though, I was definitely like you before I met him.
I can have my attitudes, sometimes I can have an attitude for no reason, and my low self esteem doesnt help the sex part Im sure but thats it. Ive been 100% faithful to him. During one of our separations I started talking to an ex of mine from high school, but only as a friend, and he was out of state so I never saw him. There started to be a little interest between us because I was looking for someone to lean on, and he was going through a rough time too but once me and my husband ended the separation I cut it off and I was openly honest to my husband that i had talked to him. Those are my faults. Honestly thats it.
Question #10:
Should I leave my husband?
7 years ago, my husband was having online sex w/ strangers. I found out about it and in our "talking" he revealed that he didn't know if he loved me anymore (we had 1 child and been married 13 yrs). He admitted that he almost cheated on me several years earlier. I forgave him and thought everything was better. We had another child, moved to another state w/in 2 yrs. Then I was diagnoses with cancer, and he helped me get through it. I never doubted his fidelity again until recently. He forgot to log off the computer one night, and I read his facebook messages to the other woman from years ago--from the discussion, it appears he did cheat on me (18 yrs ago) and that he's in contact w/ her now, possibly planning another get together. I have seen texts from her, as well. He's also in contact with another ex-girlfriend, flirting w/ her online. I don't think I can ever trust him again. We have 2 children, and with the housing market the way it is, we would lose a lot of money on our house if we split up and divorced. I'd end up living in an apartment or a trailer house with the kids, and with my cancer history, medical expenses will be very hard for me to handle on my own. I have yet to confront him, but plan to do it soon. I am willing to try counseling, to say we tried everything, but how can counseling help me trust him again and how can it make him love me again, or me love him again. We have been married almost 21 years and I thought it was forever.Question #11:
can i get any toll free numbers for career counselling online?
Question #12:
How serious is online cheating? Should I stay or leave?
My discovered my live-in fiancee had been messing around on the internet, dating and swingers sites and stuff. He says he only met one person offline and nothing happened, but did admit to "chatting" with women from different sites, saying he was just "goofing around." I view this as cheating, especially when he goes to the planning and trouble to actually go meet someone and take it into the real world. He has been bending over backwards to give me extra love and attention since then. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. Let me add that we are both over the age of 40, have been married before, and have teenaged kids who share our home. Apparently mostly, he was engaging in this deceit while at work. My problem is that all I asked of him from this, if he wanted me to try and forgive him and move past it, was to seek counseling. He agreed and said he would do anything necessary to make me stay and be happy. I explicitly asked HIM to arrange it. I felt I was owed at least that. Over a month has passed and nothing. I have asked about it twice, and all he says is that he hasn't done it yet. I want to believe he really loves me and wants our relationship to work, like I said he has been wonderful in many other ways and makes a visible effort to make me the top of his priority list....except for this. It hurts me that all I asked for was this to help fix us, and he said ok. Why isn't he following thru? Am I making a bigger deal of this than I should? I feel his cheating, and yes, it was cheating, is something deserving of talking about with someone...The reason was he gave me for doing this...he says he was just goofing around and it was like it wasn't even him, like it was another person doing it. He immediatley deleted everything when confronted and has since allowed me open access to his home computer and blackberry. Of course, I still don't know what he does at work... I saw emails he sent to this woman he met up with and he said pretty intimate things to her...told her about his son, and told her that he feels they have more than just a physical connection. When asked about this, he said it was just "online talk" and meant nothing. One email I saw talked about how she had his scarf...how does that happen if you have only met once for 5 minutes as he claims?? I want to believe him so badly...my children and I moved here to be with him and his children and I love him so much. What he doesn't seem to understand is that a part of himself that should have been reserved for me and our relationship was being pan-handled to others.
Might I also say, we have been in the midst of planning our wedding when all this came out in the open.
Question #13:
Why after all these years does my ex still pop up in my memories at random moments?
I dated a guy from 2000-2005, we lived together from 2002-2004 during college, I moved out because we were having serious issues, then while in relationship counseling in 2005, I dumped him finally after all his abuse both physical and mental. I had had enough. I dated a lot from 2005-07 during college and also from online dating.From '07-present, I've been with a great guy that I met online, we've been living together this past year, he goes out of his way to make me happy, we are both so in love with each other, but my memories of my ex boyfriend still creep up now and then and when that happens, I sometimes remember good things, but they're mostly bad and then even though there really is no comparison, I can't resist to compare him to my current bf. Of course my current bf always wins out. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I love him more than anything! How can I get rid of these old memories? Would a hypnotist work?
I haven't seen or run into the ex since 2007 when my girlfriend and I were at a bar and he was there with one of his friends and we didn't talk to each other at all. It was very uncomfortable for me.
Question #14:
My husband and I are separated and he is living with his mom and dad.?
I live with my aunt and uncle. We have been separated for 60 days and 30 days ago we moved from Arkansas ro Washington State. He was given a job at a car dealership as an auto tech. bc his mom is the office manager there. I however have applied EVERYWHERE sending resumes dropping apps and have come up with nothing. I have 2 interviews this week. I got our daughter and I on state medical. And food stamps. Since June 22nd my husband has given me 200.00. I quit my job back in AR. on July 21st. I have been reading self help books and reading message boardsd online about emotional issues and depression. Because thats my problem. I grew up in a very abnormal home that didnt offer an love or stable enviroment or any traditions so I just have some issues from that and I know i need to deal with those and move on. I also have made a counseling appt for this week. Due to not having a job counseling has not been a good option. Anyway in 60 days my hub has not read one book, made one appt. nothing. He is late to pick me up if we go somewhere. His faults are that he gets angry very quick. He blames me for everything he is a hypocrit and then things I wish he would change is be a little more romantic and suprise me. He makes me feel like an oject when it comes to sex. So anyway I am frustrated bc he says to use this time to make him feel desired and like i cant live without him and to prove ican change when all along he has been such an ass to me. And done horrible things but its liek a slap in the face when he continues to blame me and not change. His mom and dad are gone this week and he wants me to stay with him. I feel like i shouldnt but maybe itd be good for our family. What do u think?Question #15:
Free Online Counseling?
Hey.I really want to know if they're are any "FREE ONLINE COUNSELING" places?
I do not have the time to go to see someone person to person, and I wouldn't feel totally comfortable with that anyway. So if you could help I'd be very grateful. Thanks
Question #16:
Attention Canadian Psychology students: Can you give me some advice?
Sorry about the whole dramatic "attention psychology students" bit. I just needed some advice and people don`t seem to be answering me lately :(OK, well I am going to apply to Yorkville University next year (New Brunswick) for the Masters in counselling psychology program. It only takes 18 months to complete and the the program does sound good.
The program can be completed online which means I can stay in my community in Ontario. My question is that because it is a fairly new university (2004) and because I do it online, will that take away from the degree? Will future employers and Ph.D. programs look down on it? I need some advice. Thank in advance.
Yes I am finishing up my BA in Psychology at McMasters University.
Question #17:
Trying to choose a career-youth addictions counseling or dietitian?
I have two very different career paths that I'm interested in pursuing. One choice is to become a youth addictions support worker, I have struggle with addictions my whole life but by the grace of God I've overcome them in the past couple of years. I think I could help young people who are going through the same things I went through, however I'm afraid of the high stress involved with this kind of work. I think it would be challenging and rewarding, but I don't know if I'm cut out for it.The other option is a safer bet, a career as a dietitian/nutritionist. I think I'd do good in this field because I'm a Diabetic and I have some prior knowledge about food/meal planning, but I worry that I might find this job boring. I don't know which career to choose! Help!
Are there any addictions workers or dietitians online? Can you tell me a bit about the kind of work you do and the amount of stress involved in your work? I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks!
Question #18:
Programs you wish you had in high school?
I'm a junior in high school. Last year, one of my best friends, who was transitioning (female to male) was bullied to the point that he dropped out and ultimately committed suicide in April.I've been talking with my principal and the head of the guidance offices about the new school year and changes we can make. We're trying to make things easier, specifically for LGBT kids who are bullied at our school.
So far, we've talked about instating a no tolerance online bullying policy because a lot of bullying happens over facebook.
We've also talked about peer to peer counseling because, to be honest, our adult counselors suck and are so out of touch. If you were still in high school (or if you are in high school!), would you be comfortable talking openly to another student if that student had agreed that everything was confidential? Or would you rather it be online and completely anonymous?
I'm just trying to make sure no one goes through what my friend did. High school sucks enough already. Thanks for any input!
Well for the peer counseling, there's literally only three of us and we're well known people in the school because we run the Gay Straight Alliance.
But as teenagers, would you feel comfortable talking about other things in your life besides sexual orientation, like depression or home life or any of that?
And we can't send home papers with the kids about LGBT issues...my school would get sued. I can only do things at school, with the kids.
Question #19:
Credit score dipped, trying to refinance, SO frustrated, what do I do?
Life just sucks sometimes. Usually I am very positive but today is horrible. I asked my husband to move out about six months ago, and he did. He really wanted to get back together though so we saw countless marriage therapists. None of them helped us at all and now our credit card is maxed out.We have an interest-only loan on our condo and I have been calling around and online all day to try to refinance, but because of paying for all of those stupid marriage counselors who did nothing to improve the quality of our relationship at all, our credit score has dipped below 700 and the loan fee is too high for us to be able to afford it for six months.
Any financial advice would be appreciated, but I got myself into this boat and I know how to get out, it will just take a long time. Mostly I am trying to deal with the emotions that are coming up for me regarding this right now. I am just so frustrated at myself for listening to all of the countless people who advised me to try marriage counseling. Why did I listen to them??? It seems to be just “the thing to say” to couples who are struggling. People just say it without much thought; it’s not THEIR money. We literally spent thousands of dollars, and were always encouraged to keep trying new counselors since maybe the ones we’d seen were just not a good fit!!! If we would have spent that many hours cuddling in bed, our relationship probably would be much better… and that’s free. I feel like SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!
We could miss the current good rates because we cannot afford the loan fee. I keep telling myself that it is really bad out there and at least we can afford food and others cannot, that I should feel fortunate. But I feel SO stupid… the rate would have been way better if our credit score was 725 like it was prior to all of that useless counseling!!!
Any advice and/or anyone been in a similar situation and can empathize?
Thank you!
Thank you, both answers are helpful in different ways.
I know, I hate it that we have an interest-only loan, our initial mortgage loan officer was not ethical and I caught it only a couple of weeks before the sale closed, so our options in that case were limited too.
That is a good perspective that I am putting money above everything and it isn't good. And I do believe that I have to try everything that I can to make the marriage work. Thanks. That's comforting. Appreciated.
Reena, loved it, thank you! You are right about both the finances and the marriage. Thanks a lot.
Question #20:
How do you feel about people who charge others for online counseling?
i was looking up some sites where i could vent and i found one and they were like "join now!" and showed a pic of this guy who was smiling saying something underneath like "jo finally found someone who will listen! he only pays $4.99 a minute!"that's so ... sad. all people want is someone to listen before they feel like they're going to lose it and they're taking advantage of them. somehow in real life, paid therapy doesn't seem that bad. but just chatting with someone and costing them for it... mental health is an issue people should know to back away from.
am I the only one?
thanks guys. this was a comfort, somehow.
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