Question #1:

EX HUBBY VS. NEW HUBBY?

Will type the facts, u will get the point. Married my H.S. Sweetheart. Had 3 kids. together 14 yrs. Discovered ex had life long sex addiction. Not naive, we worked early shifts, he was home 2-3 hours daily before me. I always got the kids after my shift, to allow him to rest. He used those hours for addiction. Was home every night! Ideal marriage/ family. Stood by him for 2 years as he attended counseling. He failed. We divorced. The kids did fine. Honor Students, play sports and high self esteems with Christian Morals. Great dad and active in their lives. Odd, we are friendly/ joke. Just over 3 years. He's not married and dates. Not hurting another woman? I am re-married. 2 yrs in December. He is a great man. He is my age. No kids and accepts mine as his. My kids adore him. My ex and he are friendly for respect. The problem? I still love my ex deeply. I love my new hubby and know what I have. I can't get past the feeling of being lost. I feel my spot is with the family I created and one member (the dad) is not here. The kids are not asking me to reconcile. The ex calls me about kids & to make jokes. Also to tell me of a bad day, if he is ill, if the boss is mad, etc. Still thinks of me as his wife and loves me? He needs to hear my voice to sooth him. I just help by talking a few minutes. He is respectful. My new hubby is aware of his calls, continued love. I think of my ex several times a day. Not sexual. I love my current hubby but feel I am not belonging here. I am sure the ex would be around if I was not married. I am not saying I want to leave my hubby. I know the ex is still an addict. Life is not the same and I may relate the down road to missing the ex. So I can be wrong! I will always wonder "what if I opened myself up again?" Am I crazy? What do I do? I do talk to the new hubby. He says he respects the love that will always exist or I would be abnormal if I didn't care.

Question #2:

My heart is bleeding over ex having a boyfriend and my 2 kids live with ex. I am jealous full of anxiety, etc.?

Please help if you can. I got divorced about 1 1/2 yrs ago. My kids live with ex and I see the kids every other weekend. My heart is bleeding, I tried to ask her to go to counseling, but she is in midlife crisis now and dating having a blast. We were miserable, and argued in front of kids etc. Never cheated or anything like that. She now has a boyfriend, and I am, i guess Jealous because she is so happy and I am in the pits. I have dated but never could find that girl that would match up to my ex. I love her still and she hates me because I always try to get her back. I miss my kids so much, I go from seeing every day, tucking them in bed, etc. Now I only see them every other weekend.. I am seeing a therapist, and just started medication for depression. The pain is so bad, and cry a few times a day out of the blue. I stay busy all day, go to gym, work, etc but it is in my head constantly that I miss my kids so much and that she is sleeping with her new boyfriend..I know deep down that if we got back together, that it wouldn't work out, but I miss my family so much and love having my little team, with my ex... What can I do PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help me. I have a great therapist, but I don’t know how much I can take this pain. Kev
The marriage broke up mutually because we just couldn't get along, she was very controling and couldn't deal with it so we would end up verbally abusing each other. I am a big part of that, I always was told I was a loser by her and made me feel like 2 cents. So self esteem is at a all time low. I have a great family and supportive friends but I am just sheltering myself from everybody because, I feel like I am complaining and don't want to worry anybody.. I know I have to go through grieving but and therapy but I want to get on with my life and be the best father and find my soul mate that will take the pain away.. i have dated but nothing that is a match.
i would love to see my kids more often but all i think is i have to take them back home..it just turns my stomach also knowing she is with her boyfriend, so it gives her the free time for that.. i am just a mess

Question #3:

what should i do now?

I am a 50 year old male. I was engaged for 4 years, and married for 21 years. The marrieage ended in divorce, but we remained close friends for another 8 years. Truth is, in that time i never really stopped loving her, but for me it was a good comprimise as it meant i could see her and my kids, pretty much as often as i wanted. This all changed on jan 1 2010. She got a bloke. As it happens it was someone i regarded as a friend.

There is no doubt she acted completely within her rights, but, im struggling. For several months i suffered from anxiety and depression, for which i was on medication and receiving counselling.


I am alot better than i was, but have since lost my job, not least because under my mental state i could not concentrate on what i was supposed to be doing.

Although no longer on meds, my confidence and moviation have fallen through the floor. I suspect that i am difficult to be around.. Sometimes it feels like my ex wife is all i think about.

i am in a support group for people with emotional problems, but the fact is i struggle to cope when i am on my own, which is something that feels like it happens alot.

i would b very grateful for your opinions, however critical they may be.

thanks for taking the time to read this

Question #4:

christian married women ...?

to christian married women who either have been or are still in an unhappy marriage (WHERE THE HUSBAND IS ALSO A CHRISTIAN).
the question is ... how do YOU deal/manage your sanity?
i am looking for every day practicalities.
im talking seriously unhappy marriage where the husband refuses to go to marriage counselling, because he refuses to open up in front of someone else. i was too young and too stupid to realize that when he refused to go to premarital counseling it was a sign of trouble to come. THIRTEEN YEARS OF MISERY. yes, i have considered counselling on my own....but what we need is for both of us to be open and on the same page. yes, yes, i know that i can only be responsible for my own actions and to walk in love, and to leave him to God's doing and i do that. but let me tell you, i hate who i am around him. i have moments of the closest iv ever known of hate. there is a lot of healing to be done here, but in the natural...we are between a rock and a hard spot. neither wants to do for the other because of the lack of what the other is not giving. "well, be the bigger person, and start the cycle of love". been there done that. i am so tired of him. "why choose a living hell over divorce? that's so stupid." here is why, we will never divorce. we both hold to hope deep down in the dusty corner of our hearts. besides, there is too strong of a conviction with each of us against unbiblical divorce. it is hellllllll on earth. we both know the answers, but are too deep in hurt to pull out. prayer, yes.

only christian married women to answer please.

Question #5:

HUGE problems reconciling with my ex. What do I do?

I became severely depressed over a year ago and ended up leaving my husband. A few months later I had managed to get help and we got back together. We let our divorce go through as we planned on remarrying and starting fresh. Well, a year later and we're even worse. He's now depressed and blames me for everything that's happened to him in his life. I went through a miscarriage, him kicking me and the kids out, and he managed to fall in love with someone else at one point. I've stood by him because I know he's depressed and I love him. We've worked very hard at it. I've tried to get him to go to counseling but he didn't like it. He tried the meds but he said he couldn't feel any emotions and planned on following God's plans. But we were trying. The last straw was his mom. It's a whole different story but I wanted to make the effort to smooth things over and he just lost it. As a result he decided to stay the day with her. I thought he might need space and agreed. Then he stayed the night. Then two nights. I asked him if he was ever coming home and he would never tell me and told me to figure it out. So, I packed his stuff up and cut up all of our wedding pictures. He came home, had a panic attack and says he was never leaving me. Now he's off in the middle of the woods to "get away from it all." Now what???

Sorry that was so long btw.

Question #6:

My husband hasn't been truly committed and has caused me too much pain?

Honestly I want a separation from him.
Not a divorce, not a marriage, just a basic separation.
I'll try to sum it up.
I knew it was a mistake when I first got married. But I tried to make it better, however, things just kept getting worse.
He has lied to me too many times. He has not financially supported me a lot. He runs from responsibility, procrastinates and can't take the consequences of his actions.
He went UA from the military, lied and told me he wasn't UA, got in trouble with the Navy, and got himself kicked out even though I told him to stay in the military. We almost went hungry a few times and while he was restricted to his ship, if it wasn't for a local church, I would've gone hungry.
He hurts me so much emotionally, but tries and tries again to turn it all back and blame me. We went to counseling sessions at three different churches already and it seemed as if it did nothing.
So let's fast forward to the other day, there's a woman who used to be at his new job and I asked him a simple question about him being on the phone with her and he immediately snapped at me, so I knew something was wrong. He gets into a car with this same woman when he told me he'd be home in 20 mins, I tried calling him and he didn't pick up his phone and texted me later only to become more defensive when I only asked him why didn't he just tell me what was going on. I saw in my computer history that he was watching pornography, then when I confronted him about it, he denied it, then even tried to blame my sister. He finally admitted to it later on, saying that God doesn't really relieve his stress, and that I only temporarily relieve his stress. So apparently, a girl in front of a camera relieves his stress. And this wasn't the first time I caught him watching porn!!!
Since then I've been having so many sleepless nights and stress. I'm glad church is coming up, I can use some encouragement. But I told him I wanted to separate. He told me he didn't want to.
But I see his pattern: He tells me over and over he wants to be married, then, he shows me the opposite, then he comes back later with a heartfelt apology and even more promises that he'll never hurt me, then, a few days/weeks, later he does the same nonsense to me and hurts me again and again. I'm so tired and sick of the trend.
Am I so wrong for wanting a separation? I do love him but he needs to figure out if he really loves me because I'm tired of his mouth, especially when his actions are the total opposite.
I guess I feel sad because I feel like I married the wrong person because I didn't wait on God. I also feel sad because I do love him and that's why it hurts me so much. I've just wanted to run to him and tell him everything, but I can't, and that hurts.
I can't trust a man who was a liar ever since I first met him and now one year and a month into our marriage still is a liar. We read the Bible, we go to church, we try and do what we can but I still have to put up with the same nonsense. :( I feel like I lost my independence, can't sleep at night, headache city, he ruined my credit, broke my trust, backstabbed me, blamed me for nonsense HE did and ruined my chance of ever feeling loved by another man!
There's a saying I've heard, "Fool me once shame on u, fool me again shame on me."
And he's fooled me way too many times and I kept taking him back. Why? Because I would see him as a sweet guy from the midwest who I did marry and so I had to follow that obligation.
Yes, I have trusted God, and things have gone smoothly, but when he keeps doing the same big mistakes over and over, it gets old.
So now we're living with my parents because HE can't financially support me. And he has a job now but that doesn't mean anything.
I need to get out of my parent's house. I want to be away from him, I want to be away from my parents, mostly my dad. No one wants to hear "The devil has been attacking you ever since you were a baby" nonsense and "God showed me to get a life insurance policy on you" and "You're going to hell because you accidentally missed church"
And no one wants an over protective mom, trust me.
It sucks because they're blaming me for being hurt. My dad keeps telling me that he doesn't want to see any tears coming to my eyes. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be SO strong in a horrible situation like this. Just go ahead and make me feel guilty.
I feel like moving all the way across the country and just being alone because I honestly feel like the cursed child of the beyond that non one cares about.
Why do I feel guilty for wanting a separation? I want to take him back, but the whole purpose of the separation is so he can go away and really figure out who he is.
Isn't this a situation where separation is necessary?
Since we have a few little financial things to take care of, he can't move out yet and neither can I. But in about a month, we can move. He's claiming that he does love me, he just needs to know how to love me. We chatted for a little bit today and then later on he said he wanted to sleep in the same bed as me, so he did (we've been sleeping in separate beds ever since the porno incident), but I had trouble sleeping and realized I really don't want to sleep in the same bed as him. Is that so wrong? Why do I feel guilty?
I just need to get away. :( I want to grow closer to God, I really do, and we did some Bible reading today, but I'm just so hurt by everything he's done to me and I want him to be sure he loves me. Once he gets his full relationship with God, then he will be able to love me.
It sucks because I know I'm attractive and have a nice figure but yet he wants me to wear heavy make up and pretty skimpy clothes just so he won't lust after other girls, it's like I can't be myself and makes me wonder why did he marry me if all he was going to do was do all these horrible things to me?
And why do I feel so guilty?
Now he's in apology mode and is claiming that he'll really change this time, with tears coming to his eyes but I've heard it all before, it's nothing new... His apologies, then he hurts me again shortly after.
I'm just severely hurt and I need the Lord to take this pain.
Right now, my focus is: God- Bible, church, Me- college (Eventually work so I can move out on my own without him or anyone else).
I'm trying to stay busy and hold on to things that are positive because I can feel myself slip into a small depression and my true personality is very bubbily and I normally smile a lot so the last thing I need to be is depressed.

I'm so sorry this is so long.

Question #7:

Wife has given me pure hell over past few weeks.?

First, busted for buying stuff to make meth, then admits addicted to it. Had my 3yo with her when busted. Got her out of jail, and then second whammy, she said she don't want to be with me. Fine, Filing for divorce. NOW, she wants to work things out. I am not sure what to do.
Other facts: We have 2 kids with each other and 6 total. (all mine)

Her rights paternal rights where suspended when she was arrested, however, they
DCS, are holding off doing anything till after her court to see where they are proceeding.

She had started talking to other guys online threw some cheater site called
myfacebook. And YES it is a cheaters site, all you see on there is cheaters and
scum (ANYONE who would go for a married person is scum) BUT says she wont talk
to them anymore. (key logger on all computers now)(she agreed to it)(i also have
access to cell phone records online to see if she is texting them, and she knows)

Ex wife is now living here helping somewhat, but idk, all good for now, but feel like i am
sitting on the bow of the Titanic.

**She has told me she was diagnosed before with ADHD and BiPolar. but not on meds.



My wife agrees that we need marriage counseling, and she needs drug counseling.


Is there HOPE?? anyone out there been in this situation before?

My main concern is the kids. (I have custody during this due to state, and would retain them if we divorce so its not a kids thing) and keeping their life somewhat stable.

Question #8:

how much is too much detail to share on a first date?

ive known this guy for a little while but were not that close and we havent talked on the phone much an and gone into in depth conversations. anyways im planning to go out on a date ( dinner/coffee?) with him and obviously were gunna get to know each other anyways


what would u share with him? what would you keep private

- ex boyfriend was abusive & cheated on me
- parents are divorced
-religion
-i went to counselling
-i havent spoken to my dad in 5 months
-how drunk ive been in the past ( being blacked out/being taken to the hospital etc)

is it better to just put it all out on the table now before we take it any further

Question #9:

How do I stop this cycle of divorce?

My family moved into this house 3 years ago. We were doing really well at the time. The family before us were a happily married couple with a teenage daughter. After 2 years they split up and the husband gave up his business. I always heard them fighting and one day a moving truck pulled up and she and her daughter left. The family that lived there before them also seemed like a happily married couple with a 2 year old son. They were there for 2 years and she was pregnant when the husband kicked her out of the house. He and the little boy soon moved out. After the second couple divorced, the house was put up for sale for a very low price. We got a really great deal and moved in. My husband starting drinking heavily about 2 1/2 years ago. He never use to lie to me, now he does. We are on the verge of divorce. Last night he said he was going to move out as soon as he gets his car fixed. We fight because he wants to go out drinking all the time. Every night he drinks alone in our bathroom or goes to his drug dealing loser friends house and stays out all night. Is my house cursed? Is it just coincidence that we will be the 3rd couple to divorce? I know I can't do anything to help him because I have tried everything. We have been to counseling, and I have even attended al anon meetings. I realize you can't help those who will not help themselves. He denies having any problems and thinks Im just a griping bitch. What can I do? Also, we have been together for 13 years and met 16 years ago. It has never been this bad. We hardly ever fought before his drinking got this bad.He just can't see it because his mind is poisoned by the alcohol.
There are some really great and thoughtful answers. Some, very funny. Hope you got a good laugh at yourself. Still have a lot of thinking to do, but I really appreciate the advice guys and girls!

Question #10:

Cheating spouse, wait it out or leave? What would you do?

If your spouse confessed to cheating and says he wants to make the marriage work but is still seeing his mistress because his heart is torn, claims his feelings are involved because she may be pregnant. Would you seek divorce or wait out the situation and see how things play out. Very hard to patiently wait if you will be dumped by your husband for his mistress. Both agree to counseling. But the hubby doesn't think it will work. He says ultimately it's his final decision.

Question #11:

Don't believe in divorce,but think that I may have to separate? Is it stupid/selfish to have a baby?

I love my husband very much but I know that I can't remain in our relationship the way that it is; he disrespects me, is emotionally/ psychologically abusive to me but refuses to change or to go to counseling. I don't need anyone to judge my belief, but I truly do not believe in divorce and though we may not be together I will not remarry, of this I am certain. We do not currently have any children and I know that a functional, loving, two parent home is the ideal place to raise a child. Is it crazy, stupid, or selfish to have a child? because I want one, but know I will not marry again hence not have the opportunity to have a child. I have the financial means to care for a child on my own.
I would not try to keep my husband from his child at all. I know that he would not abandon the kid. Nor is this something I would do to trick him.

Question #12:

A Complicated Situation: Online Friendship, Divorce, Dating?

I met him gaming online 3yrs ago, we were instant friends and soon became inseparable (when online) as well as everyone's favorite duo. There was always an unspoken attraction between us because we got along famously and worked so well together as a team, not to mention EVERYONE we met wanted to see us together, but we both resolved to remain platonic to keep from risking such a wonderful friendship. Besides he was seeing someone in real life, and honestly we didn't REALLY know each other, no matter how much we would chat, talk on the phone or webcam. We had never met in real life, so we can’t truly know how someone else is... right?

We quickly got to be very close friends out of character. I had no qualms about talking about my personal life but he was a bit guarded at first; told me a few things about his troubled relationship with his girlfriend and about his wonderful 1yr old son. It wasn’t long before I was coaxing details. I tried to help him see things from his girl’s perspective so he could better understand her to troubleshoot and resolve their problems without a split, for their son’s sake. Eventually he felt guilty and wanted me to know the ‘real him’. “I haven’t been honest with you. It’s weird because I’ve never even met you but you’ve been a better friend than anyone I know in real life and well…” he started, “Let me guess,” I interjected, “You’re ten years older than you say you are, you’re married and have 3 children not one.” A stunned silence followed, “Damn you know me too well,” he says, “11yrs older, married and 2 children.” At this point in time I already knew I was in love with him, BUT because I loved him I knew where I stood and steeled myself to respecting and protecting his 10yr marriage.

Eventually I got with someone else and married him. I will honestly admit that I knew I was settling, I was certain the man I was marrying would be a good husband. Though I loved the man at the end of the aisle, all I could think about was the friend I had ‘never met’. I simply kept shoving those feelings deeper, telling myself he was a married man, and I was now a married woman.

My marriage was not what I had expected; the man I thought would make a great husband was abusive, often turned to alcohol instead of me for comfort and pleasure, shut me out emotionally, shunned me spiritually, and spent money like water. My online friend also continued to have similar problems within his own marriage, his wife ironically a near replica of my husband. Needless to say, we were able to counsel each other very well, sharing what worked and what didn’t, befriended each other spouses and trouble-shoot with them as well, praying together for our spouses, our marriages and each other. And of course, outside of our counseling sessions we now all still enjoyed each killing pixilated monsters together online.

I couldn’t take it anymore and made the decision to leave my husband. In my opinion I had already wasted enough time as it was, and tried every venue to reach my husband. I didn’t want to end up trying for 12yrs like my friend online to no avail, on top of everything have children to complicate things more. Mere months later, my online friend’s marriage suddenly took a turn for the worst as well. To an outsider it doesn’t look like the coincidence that it was, but this is where we are.

Both of us are separated now; 4 months myself, and 1.5 months for him. We have both made it blatantly clear to our spouses ‘it’s really over’ and are in the process of filing for divorces at different intervals and through different situations and means. Suddenly dating is an option, and our rapidly deepening feelings are no longer quite so secret between us. Since we have been so close for so long, the topic was broached in a discussion. We are both eager to actually meet for the very first time, but we want to do this right. We have considered the situation from many angles, and vantage points.
So the questions for you, dear reader are:

1.We have never met, but we have talked on an almost daily basis for 3yrs now via chat, im, phone calls, txts, webcam, etc. We have even met each other’s family members this way, parents, spouses, and children (his). We both feel we truly know the other, and trust each other completely, but we fear there is more to learn or that we are missing something because of the mere distance. Is this true? How well can you really know someone in an online friendship?

2.You know generally the circumstances, and the situation. He is 10yrs older than me, and has two children. Is it wrong to be seriously considering dating? What would/could constitute wrong in this situation? Would it be wrong or immoral of us to finally meet?
3.Based on his age and children, a few of my friends are telling me I will be ‘missing out’ on part of my life. They also say I would never have all of him b/c his past has taken pieces of his heart. BUT I know him. He is the type of person to put his relationship FIRST. He’s always told me, “If the husband and wife can’t get along and function well the whole family falls apart. And if the husband and wife take the time to care for and love each other, having a strong “team” relationship the children will automatically be that much easier to care for.” This statement leads me to believe that he would pour all of his efforts into the relationship itself as well as his children and any we would later conceive. If we really are as relationally compatible as we are online, what do I really have to loose here? Are my friends misguided in their concerns for a deficit on my part in our potential relationship?
4.I know in detail the extent of his “baggage” and he knows in detail the extent of my own. Lastly I would like to ask those of you who have dated/married into relationships with children and potentially vindictive ex-spouses in someone’s past; Can the potential for a wonderful relationship maybe eventually a wonderful marriage make all the “baggage” worth it?

Question #13:

How do you move on? Please no rude comments, and I don't want counseling.?

My husband and I divorced, (he cheated 3 times, told another girl he loved her and was leaving me for her. When I asked him he lied about it, when all 3 of us were face-2-face he apologized said he loved me and didn't wanna lose me.). Other than my husband I have only loved one other man, my daughters father. We were engaged and he got killed. How do I move on? I have been in relationships since but can't help but think about her father, I still cry almost daily, and I'm not sure I will ever get past it. I believe it is hurting my current relationship but I dont know how to get past it. I dont want to forget, I just want to heal and move on.
He died 3 1/2 yrs ago...since then, I moved across the county, moved back, then moved 3 hours away from our hometown. The only things I have of his were pictures that I want 2 keep for my daughter and his letters he wrote me, which are put away in storage. I have taken breaks from relationship and I feel the same.
Maybe I haven't had the proper grieving methods, maybe I dont know how to grieve, I dont know. Just confused an not sure how to move on.

Question #14:

Should i give my husband a second chance before i divorce him? Opinions & Advice?

I am 28 and was married to my husband for 6yrs but i filed for divorce last year, He is 37, in a touring band & we have no kids. When we met i was working in NY where im from and i feel in love with him the first time i seen him we started dating, the next year we were engaged & then married, I moved to California after he asked me to be with him. We were really in love and he couldn't keep his hands off me. He travels a lot and would always try get me to go with him. The third year of our marriage things went wrong, we kept fighting and would argue over the littlest stupidest things and i really hated it. I ended up staying home more and not go with him, there was a lot of tension & heated moments between us, it got really bad as we would get pissed with one another even at a party with our friends, we both agreed that things were not right and he was too stubborn for couples counseling saying we could work things out ourselves but i surprised him with filing for a divorce and said i was moving back to NY, basically we were not communicating at all. He freaked out and begged me to to do this and that he loved me so much that he's no good without me. I moved back home and he has come to see me telling me that his lawyer said the papers are to be signed soon and he isn't going to give me up easily, that he'll do all i want as long as he gets his wife back & for us to have a family. I love him but miss him so much when he leaves if i cant always go with him and the fighting was killing us. Im torn im so in love but i don't know if its worth it. Any advice?

Question #15:

Does this marriage need to end?

I am in such a mess right now. I grew up in a very bad family situation, and I got married fairly young to a very nice, goofy guy. He's nice, but I don't care for him the way I use to. It's one of those situations where all those things you liked about the person or ignored really start to surface. We've been married almost 2 years and we don't have the healthiest relationship anymore. He drinks quite a lot and becomes very nasty, sometimes abusive(verbally and physically). I can't play the victim, because I usually fight right back. Things are different now that we have a child (4 months), which is my number one priority. I'm wondering if I should end the marriage to ensure that my son grows up in a healthy environment. We have tried family counseling for about 8 months and that didn't seem to help. We don't get along, we are very mean to each other and I am just longing to be alone with my son for good, even though when my husband is gone for a full day I seem to miss him quite a bit. I don't want my son to grow up thinking that marriage should be anything like what we have. I've talked to him about divorce many times, he gets very sad and doesn't want to talk about it, he either ignores me or leaves. But day after day we just consistently spew venom at each other. I feel awful, and I feel as though guilt is what's holding me back. Guilt and, as pathetic as this sounds, image. We come from religious backgrounds and this type of this is seriously judged. I love him intensely at times, but talk of divorce comes up almost every other day, we both have lingering anger issues, we fight every single day, and sometimes he is very violent towards me. It's an intense relationship that shifts constantly from good to bad. Have I exhausted all my options? I just want to do what is best for my son. How messy really is divorce? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Question #16:

Parents what would you do?

If your eight year old daughter got into trouble at school (only her second week of school, mind you) for disobeying a teacher and upon grounding her from t.v. for the night she "runs away" (goes to a convenient store probably about five minute walk and then sits in the woods, my ex-wife and I could not find her for about an hour) so my question is what would you do about this behavior? My wife and I recently divorced and while it has crossed our minds she is doing this for attention my ex believes their needs to be a consequence on top of counseling... what is your opinion?

Question #17:

Feeling very low right now and could use unbiased advice.?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, he's 26 and I'm 23. We have a 3 year old daughter together and a 2 year old son together and he has a 2 year old daughter. Back in 07 we split up for 4 months because we were having a lot of problems and were constantly getting angry with each other and sometimes things got physical between us. He went to the cops and totally exaggerated what went on and completey left out the fact that he was also physical towards me and I was arrested and spent 4 days in jail and another 3 months without my daughter even though I had been proven innocent in a court. I took my husband back after 4 months and by this point he had already got another girl pregnant, and just after we got back together I got pregnant with our son. Since we got back together it doesn't seem like he loves me like he used to and I'm constantly depressed. Lately he's been hurting our daughter's feelings and when I bring it to his attention that he's done so he just brushes it off and even said once that he doesn't care. He also frequently hurts my feelings and is constantly putting other things such as work, video games, and television before me and the kids. I love my husband very much but I'm beginning to feel like I'd have an easier time with the kids and be happier if we weren't together. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I've certainly said some hurtful things when I've been angry with him for seemingly ignoring the kids and I, but I realize what I've said after I've said it and immediately apologize and tell him, I'm sorry but I get angry with you because it seems like you just don't want to pay attention to your wife and kids. He also will not help me discipline and then when the kids misbehave he blames it on me and tells me that I'm a bad mom. Also, when I get mad at him he frequently threatens to have me arrested again. What should I do? How can I make him understand that I do in fact want to be with him, but I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with being a walking sex toy. Really, that's just about the only attention I get, and it has to be on his terms. I'm at my wits end here, and I don't want my family to be a broken one. Oh, one more thing, if I say that I'm not happy and I've considered leaving, he says that if I leave he'll just kill himself. How do I deal with this, he used to be such a different person, loving, caring, always there whenever I needed him and now when I'm upset or need help with the kids he just tells me to grow up and stop being childish, and he even pulled that one about a week after my grandmother died, the song that played at her funeral came on the radio and I started to cry and he told me to "grow up and get over it you childish b****." Definitely need some advice because all my family will say is "well, you married him, deal with it." And that really doesn't help me. I've suggested counseling and at that point he just flips out saying how it's obvious I want a divorce and counseling is BS and if I did leave him I'll never find anyone else because no man will put up with my need for affection.
Also, I'm not sure if this info helps, but he has a horrible memory and uses that as an excuse as to why he treats us the way he does, and he claims he's "trying" and that trying should be enough but I see no evidence at all of his "trying". It's actually getting worse.
John Johnson -- I didn't mention it, but I've been in counseling by myself for the last 4 years and made major strides on changing myself. I don't get angry so easy anymore, and I deal with him a little better. Sure I may still be extremely angry and still say something hurtful but I SAY it, I don't yell or scream or anything of the sort. And I do everything I can do to make him happy, even if it means doing something that I'm not exactly comfortable with if you catch my drift here.

Question #18:

Our anniversary is this Sunday...?

BACKGROUND:
My husband has asked me for a divorce but we are not separated. We are going to marriage counseling. He had an affair which has left me feeling pretty low. We have three children. I love him and I want more than anything to make our marriage work. With that said, last night he told me he feels indifferent towards me; he said he doesn't seem to feel anything emotionally towards me good or bad. He repeatedly tells me I have done nothing wrong, he was wrong for the affair, and he cannot understand why he does not feel "in love" with me.

MY QUESTION IS:
Do we "celebrate" our anniversary? Should I mention it to him? Ask him about it? What should I do?
Thank you DM. That is what I was thinking. Probably no dicussions about the future. I considered just letting him know all the reasons I love him and all the things I am thankful for, without being corny or pushy.
Thank you, KJ. I am not "desperate" to make it work. We have children and a home and a life. Clearly something was wrong in the relationship as my husband is not a horrible person and he wants the counseling and he wants to resolve our issues.
I am NOT begging him or even asking him to stay. he is free to. The door is open. There are moving boxes in the den. I am not going to "kick him out" of our home and although I want our marriage to work, that is a reflection of me being in agreement with my vows NOT me being a doormat.
*he is free to go

Question #19:

As Christians, we are called to love. When you love someone and their life is a downward spiral, then what?

As Christians we are called to love and when we do love people, its unconditional. If your ex told you they were going out to bars on the nights they have off and sleeping around with women, says he doesn't care what people think about him, what would you do or say, if anything? Would you still maintain any sort of contact with them?

My ex wants to have a talk with me bc he thinks I have some things I want to say to him. I have already told him I have no respect for him and I don't trust him. I know he's hurting from a failed marriage that ended 2 years ago. I love him very much but he isn't the same man i met.

The thing is, if he doesn't care about what anyone thinks, why does he think we need to talk? I would love some wise Christian counsel on this too. He Isn't walking with the Lord right now, raised as a Christian but after his divorce, he doesn't know what to believe. I have asked this question but would like more Godly perspective. Thanks

Question #20:

At what point should you sacrifice the well-being of one child to save the other 2?

I'm a divorced mom with 3 boys, ages 10, 7, and 4. My oldest son beats up his 7 year old brother on a near daily basis. He calls the rest of us names, and screams "I hate you!" at me several times per week. He's been in counseling for a couple of years now, and has been labeled as a Narcissist by his counselor. He's on anti-depressants, and the behavioral therapy isn't helping because he thinks he is perfect just the way he is.

What more can I do? My friends and family say I should literally knock some sense into him, but I don't want him to think that it's acceptable to respond to violence with violence. But now my 4 year old is screaming, "I hate you!" and shaking his fist at me. I'm at a loss.

I don't want my oldest to think that when things get hard you ditch your family, but I'm wondering if it would be best if I sent him to live with his father. His father won't take him to his counseling, or help him with his homework, or do anything besides ignore him most of the time. Admittedly, it's not the best solution for my oldest.

Right now I feel like I'm sacrificing my other 2 boys' well-being for his. But at what point do I sacrifice his well-being for the sake of my other 2 children?





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