Question #1:

In PA, if I quit my job could I still collect unemployment given these circumstances?

Reasons I’m filing for unemployment:

Personal Reasons:
The stress caused by my job has become a hardship on my marriage and my health (causing extreme weight loss in a short time frame), requiring my husband & I to seek both individual counseling and marriage counseling which I have been unable to attend due to my work load, which I feel will continue to lead my marriage into a downward spiral.

Health Reasons:
In a matter of 3 months I have gone from a size 8 to a size 1, dropping 33lbs due to the stress of the position and missing meals to ensure extra time to complete tasks (including working through lunch and taking work home and not eating with my family or at all on some nights)

Due to Unsuitable work:
When I was hired I was told that I would be able to work from home a couple of times a week. Since I transferred properties in July of 2009 I have only worked from home >7-8 days total and only due to weather or illness. I was also told that my second virtually runs itself, however this has been the property that I have had the most issues with including a 100% file review in which I was required to make correction dating back to 2000 in some files, and almost double the average yearly turnover within the first 5 months. I have also had consistent resistance from a subordinate that has been well documented, this subordinate was given a final warning in November , this particular employee has since received numerous warning notices, 2 unsatisfactory performance reviews and continues to ignore direct orders and most recently make me feel unsafe working around him as he used his master keys to unlock a designated locked area for another female employee to express milk for her child

Question #2:

Who's right, me or my husband?

My husband an I have had a few problems lately. He's depressed and I just can't understand how that effects him. I'm the type of person who believes that if you have a problem you fix it or you suck it up. He's been depressed for 3 years now and the fact that he's not at the doc every couple weeks to try and get this fixed leads me to believe it's just not that serious. I'm going to sign us up for counseling since I'm just fed up with him really not participating in the household.
Our current problem is that he sold his car a few weeks ago and has been looking for a new one already. He's looking for cars in our homestate and we live overseas. When we return to the US we will not be living in our homestate since I'm military. We already have to move two vehicles from our homestate to our next duty station (my practical grocery go getter and a truck that belongs to his dad). We also have to move all his tools because he was not comfortable putting them in government storage. He want to buy a 3rd vehicle and keep it at his parents house - which means we would have to move 3 vehicles. He keeps telling me that I don't have to worry about it and he'll move everything but I do worry about it. His plan is to rent a car trailer for the car he's buying and tow it down with the truck - his dad will drive my car down and I will fly down with our daughter. I asked him why he feels pressure to buy another car and he finally told me that he feels sad since he sold his car and just wants one at home to make him feel better. I think this is the silliest thing ever - it's just a car. Here's what I want to do: He drives the truck down and I drive the car down. We get to our next duty station and get housing, get my daughter established in daycare, find out if we even have the space for 3 vehicles - and then he can start looking for a new car. I've explained all this to him and he just keeps telling me to think about him buying a car now. I've made up my mind - it's stupid to buy a new car at this point when we don't even know where we're going to be living and if we'll even be able to keep it. I wanted to get outside opinions on what people think and see if anyone knows of any way to compromise in this situation.
Also, we will be living overseas for another year, so the car would just sit at his dad's house.
Ok, "feeling sad" is not a valid reason to spend 10K on something that you may have to get rid of later. I agree with him on a lot of things - him keeping his tools at his dad's house, even though the government would move them free if we had put them in storage. He gets to buy pretty much whatever he wants, including plane tickets home whenever he wants, new tires, and car parts. All I'm asking him to do is wait until we are actually settled in our next location - is that really so much to ask?
Avoid - no one would be using the car while it was at his dad's house. He always has to have two vehicles so that he can fix one up and drive the other one and keep switching back and forth. He's buying his dad's truck for sentimental reasons too. The money from the sale of his car was always going to be used to buy him another one, it turns out that the year and model he wants will leave us with extra money. We've already agreed that whatever extra money we have when we move back will be divided in half. With his half he can buy his dad's truck and car parts and I'm going to buy some new furniture for our house.

Question #3:

Why do people who don't belong to a church, want to get married in one?

I belong to a church that often gets visitors who show up, look around, and say, "What a lovely place! We'd like to get married here." Our clergy explain that we have rules, including successful completion of at least four counseling sessions--roughly centered around conflict resolution, sex, money, and children--and active attendance for at least a year. We explain that we take marriage very seriously and that we expect the community to be supportive of the couple. Often the visitors claim we're being "rude" or "unfriendly" because we don't let them wander in and merely use the church as a prop house.

So, why would anyone want a church wedding when they don't care about the actual church commitment?
Beautiful disaster--we have people who are homeless who worship with us. They're not the problem--the people who march in and assume we're there solely to put their fantasy in place, are the problem.
Nova--you followed the rules, which is my point. You had respect for the congregation and did what it asked of you.

Question #4:

How soon can I date after my recent separation from my wife (last night), MEN PLEASE. EASY 10 pts!?

My wife and I separated last night after a fight. She said she wants to date other people. We have been married for 4 years and we have a son. I feel like it's too soon for us to date since we just separated last night. She left with the baby and said she will start staying with her brother and she is ready to date.

I also suspect her coworker has crush on her. She has had lunches with him and went out of the way to drop things off at his house. I looked at our phone bill and they text and talk more than we do.

She claims she loves me but the spark isn't there. I love her and i want to keep my family together. She thinks it's too late for counseling but I don't. We are in our late 20's.

I am so upset this is my outlet so please give me good advice and preferably couples who have been in this situation.

Question #5:

Messy breakup / how to deal with HIS MOTHER....Help ! Narcissistic?

My fiancee of 1 year recently broke up with me. We are both in our 30's. At the beginning, he was the best man on the planet; attentive, caring, sincere and I thought I had found my soul-mate. Our problems began 6 months after we first started going out so I initiated counselling but it didn't work. Towards the end, he would ignore me, isolate himself in the bedroom to play online poker and yell and swear at me whenever I dared interrupt him or try to talk about our relationship. The arguing got so bad that I twice had to call the police after he threatened to smash my computer and phone. He never physically hit me. He has always been competitive and I have since learned that he also has Narcissistic tendencies.

The last time the Police came he was taken to his mother's for a 2 day cooling-off period then he came home. In the days that followed, he would pick fights with me constantly almost like he wanted an explosive fight to justify his exit. Part of me also believes his mother is somehow involved in the demise because since the break-up she has evicted her tenants and has offered him her fully furnished rental property to live in. And since I had no choice but to call the Police, I'm guessing she has me on her "most hated" list.

Two weeks down the track we are a couple again and I have forgiven him for his shortcomings.

We love each other very much but he has given up on the idea of marriage

Now when I want to visit him, I have to sneak past her place and it feels so wrong :-(

Problem is - his mother gave him such a good deal with the rent, there is no incentive for him to want to live together with me. How do I deal with the interferring mother? And is there a future for this relationship? Or am I part of the narcissistic supply?

Thanks everyone

Question #6:

FB relationship status......."it's complicated" what does that mean?

My fiancee of a year dumped me because we couldn't get on. Naturally I was devastated. We tried everything we could to make it work (including counselling) but in the end he decided to leave. He is now living in his mother's rental property and she is charging him next to nothing in rent. The arrangement is so cosy.........she evicted the previous tenants so he could move in! Now there is no incentive for him to come back and work on our relationship.

When he left we adopted the no-contact rule and after 2 weeks, decided on a face-to-face talk to see if space and time had changed anything. One thing leads to another and we end up sleeping together. The next day, he is acting like we are a couple again and we end up spending the rest of the day hanging out.

It's been a week since we became a couple again and slowly those doubts of "does he really love me or trying to keep me so no one else will have me?" and "will he dump me again?" questions keep coming up in my mind.

Today I text him to ask if he has updated his Facebook status from "single" to "in a relationship"
He tells me he has changed his Facebook relationship status to "its complicated"

What does this mean to a GUY? Can we ever move forward or am I just kidding myself?

Thanks

Question #7:

What's a typical time frame for couples to stay in therapy?

My husband and i entered marriage counseling a little over 1 year ago for some major issues in our relationship. We both wanted to save our marriage and wanted it to work so we agreed to therapy. We found a counselor we really liked and we have been seeing him since June 2009. Our marriage is now stronger than ever and we feel ready to stand on our own two feet and navigate the waters of marriage solo. Will our counselor suggest an endpoint for us or is it up to us to say something? Our therapy is free since it's paid for by my husbands employer (active duty military) so we've just kept going because cost isn't a factor and it has really helped us grow as a couple. But we feel we're at the point of time to try it solo and see how we do. We've learned how to argue effectively, how to communicate, and how to take care of one another and voice our opinions. Yes i will admit we should have known how to do these things BEFORE getting married but we got hitched young and learned some lessons the hard way. But we've been married almost 5 years and have come a long way. What do we do now? Do we suggest it to our counselor and see what he says? Also if you don't believe in therapy or think its a quack science keep your comments to yourself..Therapy has very much helped my marriage in fact even saved it so no smart Alec remarks needed. If we feel we're ready to fly solo do we just need to ask the counselor if he feels we're ready? Please no rude comments or suggestions that we read books or other self help crap instead of therapy to fix our marriage. Opinions from actual therapists or couples who've been in therapy long term would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
We currently go twice a month and have no co-pays like i stated above. And to the guy who said real couples don't need therapy, your a prime example of a man who probably needs it the most,lol..

Question #8:

Husbands and Wives that have gone to couples therapy, a question about it?

How long did you go before the counselor said you were ok to be on your own without any help? My husband and i have been going to counseling twice a month for a while now and while we really enjoy it we just wondered how long do couples typically go? I know it's going to depend on your issues, how well you work stuff out,etc.etc..but my husband and i have been going for just over 1 year and the counselor recently mentioned he might be ready to change us to once a month sessions since we are doing so well. My husband and I really like our counselor he has helped us come so far in our marriage its unbelievable.But we too feel that its almost time to stand on our own. Whats a typical time frame for couples in therapy? Also cost has not been an issue with us because our therapy is free through the military (husbands active duty).. So we just keep attending sessions as long as the counselor says he wants to see us. How much longer should we expect to keep going? We will be moving out of state around the first of the year so we will have to stop seeing our counselor eventually but i was wondering if he will give us the ok to stop counseling once we move or advise us to find a new counselor and have a few sessions in our new home once we get moved.
It's been my husband and I's expierence that those of you that don't beleive in counseling or have to knock it right off the bat are usually the ones who need it most. Thankyou for you completely unhelpful answers.
Also just an FYI counseling for any issue is not a wquick thing,lol..You trying to reteach yourself and your brain to think logically and retrain yourself, a few sessions doesn't fix anything. Most therapys for anything from addicitons, to eating disorders take YEARS!!
Thank you to the posters who answered my question. My husband and i have both been feeling we are ready to stand on our own two feet and stop the sessions. And we had a lot of complex issues to deal with. Your info was wonderful thanks for being helpful unlike the other posters.

Question #9:

Should i give my husband a second chance before i divorce him? Opinions & Advice?

I am 28 and was married to my husband for 6yrs but i filed for divorce last year, He is 37, in a touring band & we have no kids. When we met i was working in NY where im from and i feel in love with him the first time i seen him we started dating, the next year we were engaged & then married, I moved to California after he asked me to be with him. We were really in love and he couldn't keep his hands off me. He travels a lot and would always try get me to go with him. The third year of our marriage things went wrong, we kept fighting and would argue over the littlest stupidest things and i really hated it. I ended up staying home more and not go with him, there was a lot of tension & heated moments between us, it got really bad as we would get pissed with one another even at a party with our friends, we both agreed that things were not right and he was too stubborn for couples counseling saying we could work things out ourselves but i surprised him with filing for a divorce and said i was moving back to NY, basically we were not communicating at all. He freaked out and begged me to to do this and that he loved me so much that he's no good without me. I moved back home and he has come to see me telling me that his lawyer said the papers are to be signed soon and he isn't going to give me up easily, that he'll do all i want as long as he gets his wife back & for us to have a family. I love him but miss him so much when he leaves if i cant always go with him and the fighting was killing us. Im torn im so in love but i don't know if its worth it. Any advice?

Question #10:

Is it possible to become a Counselor With a felony?

A little background: In 2008 I left my children with their father who neglected them. I was only gone for a couple of hours running errands. When I got back, my youngest had been seriously injured due to their fathers neglect. (my oldest, who was 2 at the time) had put stuffed animals in her crib and she couldn't breath. I called 911 immediately. Paramedics came but their was nothing they could do. I lost my precious angel that day. 3 months later my now EX husband and i were BOTH arrested on felony neglect charges due to lack of supervision. I can understand him being charged, he left them in their room alone and played on the computer while i was gone. Me on the other hand, i was not home. I left them in the care of their biological father. However, whether or not I did anything wrong is beside the point, I was charged and convicted of the crime right along side him. I had been in school to become a metal health counselor at the time. It is something I really have a passion for. Even more so now after my experiences. The American Counseling Association's website says they take felonies on a case by case basis. I am at the point now where I'd like to continue my education however I do not want to invest all of the time and money if I will never be licensed. Does anyone know if this particular felony will prevent me from becoming a counselor? or know anyone who has been licensed with a criminal back ground? ANy input or advice would be appreciated
State of Maryland

Question #11:

Is it possible to become a counselor if convicted of a felony?

A little background: In 2008 I left my children with their father who neglected them. I was only gone for a couple of hours running errands. When I got back, my youngest had been seriously injured due to their fathers neglect. (my oldest, who was 2 at the time) had put stuffed animals in her crib and she couldn't breath. I called 911 immediately. Paramedics came but their was nothing they could do. I lost my precious angel that day. 3 months later my now EX husband and i were BOTH arrested on felony neglect charges due to lack of supervision. I can understand him being charged, he left them in their room alone and played on the computer while i was gone. Me on the other hand, i was not home. I left them in the care of their biological father. However, whether or not I did anything wrong is beside the point, I was charged and convicted of the crime right along side him. I had been in school to become a metal health counselor at the time. It is something I really have a passion for. Even more so now after my experiences. The American Counseling Association's website says they take felonies on a case by case basis. I am at the point now where I'd like to continue my education however I do not want to invest all of the time and money if I will never be licensed. Does anyone know if this particular felony will prevent me from becoming a counselor? or know anyone who has been licensed with a criminal back ground? ANy input or advice would be appreciated

Question #12:

Need some advice co-worker has started to come onto me and my wife and i lost our son 2months ago....?

My wife and i lost our 2 year old son a couple of months ago and we are both still taking it horribly. Well to be honest our marriage has never been so low our two year old was our first and my wife is 6 months pregnant with another baby boy and were both extremely wary about to and scared. Our Family and friends have been amazing through this super hard time and i feel so vulnerable and at the same time i need my wife so much right now but we are both so distant with one another and that's really hard. We have both been going to counseling to try and help it its working i think unsure. Well a younger co-worker who is 24 (my wife and i are both 27) has been coming onto me lately and today she told me she is inlove with me =/. Well for some reason it has started to make me feel more loved then my wife is loving me and such. But at the same time i get the feeling she is trying to take advantage of me and not sure what to do. I talked to my wife's sister who her and i are very close grew up together today and she was like you better not and all of this other stuff and that this girl is just toying with my feelings and taking advantage of me while i am vulnerable. Not sure what to do,Advice?

Question #13:

At what point should you sacrifice the well-being of one child to save the other 2?

I'm a divorced mom with 3 boys, ages 10, 7, and 4. My oldest son beats up his 7 year old brother on a near daily basis. He calls the rest of us names, and screams "I hate you!" at me several times per week. He's been in counseling for a couple of years now, and has been labeled as a Narcissist by his counselor. He's on anti-depressants, and the behavioral therapy isn't helping because he thinks he is perfect just the way he is.

What more can I do? My friends and family say I should literally knock some sense into him, but I don't want him to think that it's acceptable to respond to violence with violence. But now my 4 year old is screaming, "I hate you!" and shaking his fist at me. I'm at a loss.

I don't want my oldest to think that when things get hard you ditch your family, but I'm wondering if it would be best if I sent him to live with his father. His father won't take him to his counseling, or help him with his homework, or do anything besides ignore him most of the time. Admittedly, it's not the best solution for my oldest.

Right now I feel like I'm sacrificing my other 2 boys' well-being for his. But at what point do I sacrifice his well-being for the sake of my other 2 children?

Question #14:

My wife walked away, but I am not that Sad, why not?

About a month ago my wife out of the blue said she was leaving. We are separated now, and working through the divorce details. The divorce seems like it's going so easy. It's non-contested with children, and we are sharing custody, non-standard possession, so I will have the kids one week, she the next, and all else is going easy. It almost seems too easy.

Any ways, every friend, co-worker and family member during their own times with me keep telling me that they cannot get over how well I am taking all this. We had a birthday party recently and you would have thought we were back together, but all the time talking about where the kids will go to school, how holidays will work, and it's like we are mutually ending all this on what could be a called a real amicable divorce. Mainly because I intend on living in the same town as she so the kids will not be too impacted with school and friends.

I suppose what I find interesting is why it's so easy? I had one friend say that sometimes they go this way, and then months, or even years down the line, an ex gets emotional about it all the sudden. Decides they do not like being divorced and such, and tries to put pressure on the other to get it back together.

Any perspectives?

I was not cheating and our finances were really good, my wife said we were no longer compatible. I did some checking, and she is following the classic "Walk Away Wife Syndrome." Just has the ability to leave, and leaves because the couple lost touch. I did ask my wife if she wanted to do counseling, but she said no. I did not know she was even thinking divorce until the day she left.

Question #15:

hi. surrogacy process ...where to start as a host?

Why do I want to become a surrogate?

I believe I have the opportunity to provide a couple with a family. I appreciate my daughter every morning I wake up, and every night I go to sleep. I can’t imagine the intense desire to achieve the sometimes unachievable.

about me.

I am a 30 year old woman who has a five year old daughter living in the Oxfordshire countryside. I have a fiancée. We are in our fourth year of being in a relationship in which we are truly happy. I am in my fourth year of studying a degree with the Open University, working towards my Bsc in psychology. I have the intention of graduating and gaining employment as a counselling psychologist. My daughter is five years old and from a previous relationship which did not work due to personal reasons. I am, at this time under the government’s financial assistance, and am receiving income support and housing benefit. I have never wanted my financial situation to be a long term arrangement and have worked hard to re-train as a psychologist to enable a better future for my family. My partner is a welder and works for a well known company who makes MRI machines and has an average income. He has no children. Due to our situation we do not have the finanical ability to marry and live together, which we hope to rectify in the future.

My daughter is my life! She is my pride and joy! I cannot imagine a day or night without her! As I have had financial difficulties and the pressures of raising a child as a single parent, (in my situation where a second parent is unable to assist in daily upbringing and financial commitment) I made a decision many years ago that I would not expand my family any further, in which Darren agrees. My intention is to gain well paid employment and to enjoy the daughter that I have. In the future years I plan on taking her travelling and to experience what different countries, cultures, and sights are available to expand her life experiences. (Probably starting at Disney World Florida.)

For these reason I feel, as a fit and healthy 30 year old woman that I have the opportunity, experience, and ability to enable another couple to experience the pure joys of parenthood. I would like to express that this decision has not been made over night and that I have been considering this for several years.

I am unsure of how to start the process and what financial considerations need to be made. Obviously i have personal reasons for my decision but I would like my decision to benefit my family also. if any body has any experience in this field please get in contact.
please note I live in the UK and I don't think American sites would be relevant to my situation as the laws on surrogacy differ.

regards

Question #16:

Could you please help me decide on a future career path?

Greetings,

I am a prospective student who is looking at becoming a physical chemist (which, broadly-speaking, is simply a major branch of theoretical chemistry), but I am currently hesitant in pursuing a career path in this field of choice; from the threshold I hold, I see that physical chemistry is a low-paying job, and I am worried that I may not have a viable position in the future if the salary for such a chemist is this low. From research, I can infer that the average salary of a physical chemist ranges from $50,000 to $70,000, and I do see myself aiming for the latter pay, as I plan to earn a Ph.D in the field and then cover a couple of years of post-doctorial teaching or research at the university I intend to attend. In addition to the first quandary that I face, I also see that physical chemists do not have as much career opportunities as other chemists graduating with similar degrees, such as in organic or analytical chemists.

Seriously, I love chemistry (I have completed the ninth grade chemistry course in canada, but I have been studying 12th and university 1st level chemistry on my very own time; I also have a great aptitude for the maths and physics). For me, I view theoretical chemistry as my clear choice for a future vocation, but the dilemmas that surface in regards to my decision leave me apprehensive of my thoughts. I have also been told that applied research chemists make decent salaries and work in a great many fields, but I would really like it if someone could assist me in deciding if theoretical chemistry is the way to pursue my future occupation and then clarify if there are other alternatives to physical chemistry and applied research chemistry (such as a chemical engineer or analytical chemist).

In the end, as I am still maturing and reaching the point of critical decision-making for my future career, I would appreciate any counseling one may provide, and I am definitely looking for clear admonishments you may provide. Finally, if you do agree that I should pursue physical chemistry, do you recommend me attending the University of Waterloo or University of Toronto? I have researched that both afford great conveniences for prospective students studying chemistry in Canada, so I want to attend either of them, albeit I have a penchant for the University of Waterloo and the world-class co-op program they have to offer.

I understand this question of "wether I should pursue a job in physical chemistry even if the future of this occupation doesn't look too great" has gotten extremely protracted, but I wish to present the greatest gratitude to everyone that assists me in this difficult decision.

Thank you very much...

Question #17:

Should I tell him that I was snooping?

The other night my boyfriend had a huge fight. We were out for my birthday, on the train going home, and he tells me he wants to meet up with his friends to go to a party. I was so upset that he ditched me (he's done it a few times) we sent a few heated texts to each other and he didn't end up coming home until about 4.30pm the next day. We were on the verge of breaking up butwe talked it through and worked things out. We're going to get counseling in a couple of days.

Anyway later that day, I saw a facebook notification that a girl had sent him a private message. It was someone I didn't know. Then there where a few more from other strange girls (one of the he was seeing before he met me). I couldn't resist and I checked them. He sent messages to all these different girls, asking if they wanted to catch up. I am shattered. I trusted him 100% and the thought of something like this has never even entered my mind. He sent them before he came home and we worked things out

Should I confront him about it? Should I tell him I was snooping? I can't trust him anymore...
@ "Wisen Smart" Uhh, I'm pretty sure he loves me. We have been together for years, we live together & plan to get married. This behaviour is totally out of character for him which makes me think there is something wrong within him. Hence the counselling. I do not have any self esteem issues. I didn't stick with him because I NEED him. I'm with him because I choose to be. This is the guy I'm going to spend my life with. I'm not just going to abandon him because we're in a rough patch.

Question #18:

Can waiting to get a divorce change a child's character? Yelling..?

When a couple does nothing but argue and fight, don't you think that it's in the children s best interest to get an early divorce? I have heard that when parents do nothing but act as two negatives being forced together because of kids, that the character of a child changes because of so much negativity.. My situation is this above. I want honest answers please. I have done counseling and bought many books and followed them. But now I feel I must focus on my kids. Thanks
Just to clarify this a little..I need to also mention that I am not a confrontational person.. so when I say there's yelling going on, I mean my husband. It seems to be that yelling and calling names and bringing up the past is all he can do. He doesn't comprehend the meaning of sit down in another room to talk things over quietly. I hate to be hear it and to be yelled at, but more so when it's in front of and at the kids. What would you do? Get out while I can? Counseling does not work.. He's just to negative.. he lives by the saying, " I am who I am, don't judge me". Very immature!

Question #19:

Can you guys look at this from the outside and tell me your opinions please?

I am in a relationship with this guy who is 10 yrs younger than me. I am also pregnant by him and we currently live in different states. He keeps wanting to come with me, even quit his job and so forth to come here with me and baby. The thing is that I am no longer as in love with him as I once was. I use to stop the world for him but after he has hurt me a couple of times, my love for him slowly started to fade. I don't want to tell him bc I don't want him to move on with anyone else. I do care and love him, just not nearly as much as I use to before. Then there's the father of my 2 other daughters whom I currently am living with. I care for him deeply but I am unsure if I completely love him bc of all I've put him thru. I stop to think that if I really loved him I would of never cheated or lied and continue to lie like I do. I'm letting him believe this is also his baby which he has doubts but stays with me anyway. As like the other, I can't bear to see him with anyone else therefore I don't let him go. What's wrong with me?? Am I just a control freak? I know I'm wrong, these are feelings I just can't control. Would u think I need some kind of help like counseling or something? I'm being selfish and self centered, I just can't stop myself ='(

Question #20:

My wife spends all her time with the kids - what do I do?

Married 17 years. 2 kids under 8. The wife and I are not getting along well at all lately. I'm actually writing this on the couch because I couldn't stand being near her after our fight. Tonight was our 'date night'. Her mom came to watch the kids. Went to a nice dinner, had nice conversation, things were going well. We planned on going to a movie after dinner, but couldn't agree on which one. The subject came up that we could just watch a movie at home instead, and save money. Sure thing-we have a very nice home theatre and hundreds of movies she's never seen. Her mom has already agreed to watch the kids so we could have a full late night out, so all we need to do is start the movie when we get home, right? No. She decides she hasn't spent enough time with the kids today, and tells me so, running off to do housework and play with the kids til their bedtime. What the?! It's our date night and she leaves me hanging! Her mom was still here the rest of the night too- and mom even told her to go hang out with me, that she will still put the kids to bed for us so we can still have our date night. Nope. Once it's past 9:30, I know she checks out and is done for the night, so movie and any time to spend working things out is out the window.

This is not unusual. She babies the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids endlessly too, but as a Christian, I have always been taught that kids do not complete a marriage, the husband -wife relationship is more important than kids.

I don't know what else to do. I work hard, bringing in all our income. She is a stay at home mom. She often turns our regular conversation into arguments. She constantly bickers about something- my weight, our finances, the one chore I may have forgotten to do - anything can set her off. She has an uncanny knack of making me feel like crap.

And don't get me started on sex. We pretty much don't. I grow weary even trying to bring up the topic to her, because she always has an excuse - too tired, not in the mood, had a hard day with the kids, anything. I read somewhere that the definition of a sexless marriage is having sex 10 or fewer times a year. I'd say that's about right for us. She NEVER initiates it, and when it does happen, I get this feeling that she is rolling her eyes and just wants to get it over with and 'shut me up'. Not a very romantic setting. I can't shake the feeling that I am 'being serviced' rather than being intimate with my bride. She just can't seem to get into that frame of mind anymore.

I feel like she is disgusted with me and would rather be anywhere else besides with me. She seems so distant. She rarely encourages me in what I do, even with big successes and things I get excited about- I can't count on her to pat me on the back and tell me she's proud of me, even though I do these things for her.

All this said, I really do love her, even though it seems she has stopped loving me. I'm committed to keeping this family together, and want to make things work. Yes, we tried counseling a couple years ago, and it seemed to help for a while, but now it's worse than ever, and has been this way for about a year. I do so much to try to please her- providing a good stable lifestyle, I take care of the kids any time I can, even when she just wants to go have a pedicure. I do many things around the house, including all the handyman and remodeling projects. I tell her she's beautiful and a great mom. Everything SHOULD be ok, but it's not. Help! What do I do?





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