Question #1:

How can I get my husband to agree to a monthly budget with me?

I want to sit down and go over what we pay each month, such as bills, food costs, gas, ect. I feel like if we sat down together and actually went over everything, we could come up with an effective way to budget money and save for things we used to want together (such as a house, a newer car-which we will be needing soon). My husband refuses to do this with me. He says that we don't have to sit down together to realize how much debt we have. I have tried to explain my plan of being proactive and trying to figure out ways out of our debt but he refuses. He would rather pretend the debt doesn't exist and spend our money the way he sees fit, I get no say-so. He even refuses to let me do the grocery shopping! The bills are mostly in his name, he would spend money when I told him it wasn't a good idea and now we're in trouble. He claims it's my fault as much as his. He goes out with his friends every saturday night, he is going to every college football this season (as he did last year) and he is going back to school. I never go anywhere, and when I do, the things I do are free, like visiting my mom or sister or taking the little ones to the park. Please help, I don't know how to talk to him in a way to make him listen. He refuses to go to marriage counseling, he says He doesn't need some stranger knowing our business.
I don't mind him going out and having fun, whether it be to the game or out with friends. The issue is that we are drowning in debt and I want us to work as a team to get out of it, rather than me being the only responsible one, and if anyone has control issues, it's my husband.

Question #2:

Do you think this psychiatrist really professional?

When I went to a psychiatric counseling about my family issues, the doctor got personally upset with me as if the issue does apply to himself. He became very defensive, even though I wasn't talking about him. He was also telling me about his other clients' issues with some of their information (their name and some of their background). The most surprising thing was that he talked bad about children in his neighborhood, just because they stair at him when he comes out of his house (he runs his business at home). I thought professional people shouldn't take things personally, especially the topic was nothing to do with him. Do you agree or disagree?

I was certainly so uncomfortable telling my whole issue. I really thought that he shouldn't be charging people money for this poor quality of therapy. I tried to understand what his point was, but I couldn't. My emotional issue was finally helped by a teenager in this yahoo community for free of charge, not by the doctor who charged me lots of money. What do you think?

Question #3:

Is it really as hard to move to the UK as a US citizen as they say?

Many people have told me that it it virtually impossible to move to the UK (or anywhere in the EU for that matter) unless you are a doctor/dentist/engineer, business executive or married to an EU citizen.

I have bachelor's and master's degrees in counseling (not exactly 'high-need') but would love to at least live and experience the UK for a few years, if not live there permanently. Is this even possible at this point or should i just give up?

Question #4:

Conservative: Muslim, Jewish, Christian Women: Do you think my business idea would be a hit or a miss?

Good afternoon thanks for reading my question. I'm a VERY conservative Christian female. I'm conservative and modest in my dress. I don't wear jewelry, pants, cut my hair, or wear much facial makeup. My husband died in Iraq January 18, 2009. I have 3 children,(one boy and twin girls), that I am raising on my own. I am college educated with a bachelors degree in Human Nutrition with two minors in Culinary Arts and Exercise Science. I want to open a business after the first of the year specifically for women and ONLY women. What I am thinking about creating is a personal training atmosphere for all women who can't for religious reasons go to a gym and work out. This business would also include nutritional counseling, and culinary education. No men would be allowed beyond a certain point (IE: The front waiting area). I'm just wondering if my business would be a conflict to women of different faiths. My business WILL remain religiously neutral. I'm just wondering if my business would be a hit or a miss? I need opinions please.

Question #5:

advice on depression please!?

I'm 18. i had a girlfriend for 2 years (whom i loved) i was dumped for my selfish behaviour. i am depressed now, it has been a month. ppl told me that it is natural. im not ready to move on and meet other girls. i feel like i was always like this, only my girlfriend held me together. i am horribly insecure about everything about me, but make it my business not to show it. i have no confidence, so i doubt i can start a relationship with another woman with ease. should i wait it out or take antidepressants? counselling won't help because i've talked a lot gto my friends, but it doesn't help. thanks
btw, if you've been in a serious long term relationship, how long did it take for you for the pain to numb?

Question #6:

how to deal with an abusive wife?

what to do if your wife does not listen to you ?

i'm an educated person , i grew up in a loving family . im not an abusive husband and a succesful business man . i pay all her expenses even his dad expenses on monthly basis . i do work at home washing dishes , cook etc .

All i ever wanted is my wife to quit smoking . is it too much to ask ?

after many months of dealing with her bad behaviour . last night i had enough when i caught her smoking in our living room . I have told her numerous times , if you want to smoke , smoke outside the house .

I grabbed , pushed her and threw her cigarrates and told her to get out our house . then she started to punch me in the face , throw soda can at me

i know it suck to get beaten by a women and i hate to admit it that she left a mark on my face .

women are capable of doing damage as much as men . especially my wife who has black belt in TKD. i'm not saying i could not overcome her , but if i really wanted i could destroy her so bad but this is not my thing

What choices do i have ?

note:

1. i live in a country that men are so dominant and to admit your wife has beat you is the hardest thing to do even with family members
2. psycological and counseling help are not common so dont tell me or her to get anger management course
listen up , i need to clarify this . i have communicate with her many times in a good way untill to this point i couldnt stand it anymore

she is not just a regular smoker . she is the person who would stop me on the street just to smoke because i wouldnt let her smoke in my car. if i dont stop she will jump out the car or ask me to leave her on street.

she is the person who wakes up at 2 a.m just to get to nearest store to buy a cigaratte.

plus we are expecting a baby even though is just 3 weeks , you know what a cigaratte will do this our baby .

i think enough is enough im considering a divorce

Question #7:

Over the phone counselling/therapy instead of face to face?? Good idea or not?? I dn't know what to do?

So I'm starting to get help for issues at home, stress, depression all that, thats getting me down etc. But I rang and they only have weekday appointments but I'm on my clinical placement for my nursing course and can do week days!? So they said an over the phone talk but to me that seems like it wouldn't be as good because its not face to face...?? whats it like should i go for another therapist that suits my time or over the phone?? see if i change counsellors i will have to pay because the week day therapist is free and paid for by my dads business
i mean i cant do week days

Question #8:

I am going to change radically, has anyone done this or have advice?

You can read my post history, I have some issues in my life that I am dealing with. I have always been a straight laced sort of guy, I am always clean cut and all that. But for a long time I have felt like I have turned into this person I dont know. I love reading, writing and music, yet I played sports and went into the business, suit and tie field because thats what I thought I should do, like it was where I would fit in the easiest. Now I am 31 years old and I love my wife and kids, but I am miserable inside. Its not depression, I have been to extensive counseling. I think its more I am just not myself and I havent been in a long time.

I have decided to grow long hair and I got a half sleeve of tats last night on my arm. I want to write for a living and live the life I have always wanted. That of course includes my wife and kids, at home I am the happiest guy in the world. I am just like you know what the hell with society, I have the right to freak out a little bit. I have also been hitting the gym hard and have gotten into running. So has anyone done anything like this? I asked in M&D because it will affect my family a little bit. I would like to hear guys and gals opinion.
Douggie, I totally agree and I of course my family comes first hands down!
Great answers everyone thank you. Yes of course I would always consider my family first. I mean certainly I would do what I have to do for my family collectively before doing anything for just for myself.

Question #9:

Tell me...why is life so shit?

Here I am again on this stupid board..I really don't know why..because none of y'all can help me. I'm so freakin depressed to the point I don't even cry any-more..its like I've become devoid of emotion. I have forgotten what joy feels like..all i ever feel is pain and hurt. The saddest thing is..I would have once described myself as very optimistic..full of life..real go getter!..Ha..not any-more...I remember once hearing the phrase 'shadow of former self'..and i have to be honest to myself... I am becoming that. I am disillusioned with the world..and my own life. I don't whether I'm coming or going. I feel that many people have done me wrong and have gotten away with it....so I'm left to wonder if maybe i deserve the bad things that have happened to me. Seriously...you name it..its happened to me. I cant be arsed to go into detail about specific experiences...but yes they have not been pleasant at all.

Anyway..I went to the doctor once, and told him how i was feeling..because I was contemplating taking my own life. He wanted to put me on medication..and i refused..I would have preferred counselling..but i was told the waiting list was like forever..anyway..i left his office..pretty much feeling the same..only a bit better...because I'd finally admitted to someone else...how i was feeling.

Anyway i busied myself with things for next few months..went on holiday, started a business..continued to take care of my children (i am a mother)...I just focused on other things and not me...and it helped. Well recently ..as much as last week. I was involved in a...lets call it a ..hell..i'll just tell you...7 years ago one of my children was abducted from me by my ex partner. I have never seen her since, she was taken abroad and I have travelled back and forth to no avail. Anyway..I saw my ex-partners sister last week, and i confronted her about the situation, which left me emotionally drained and wanting to kill someone. I have not been the same since.

I just feel that life is a bag of shit...its not what you make of it..because even when you do..there are other people that can still disturb your equilibrium. I just feel that i am constantly recovering from one let down or another..give me a break for crying out loud! The world is a wicked place, where it seems materialness, money, vanity and self worship..proceeds love, honesty, morals and family togetherness/value. World leaders are corrupt and care more about power..than human life. I just want out! Yes I know i have my kids, who need me, and love me..but what use am I to them..If I'm a miserable recluse? *sigh*...I just feel really fcked off right now. I don't know what to do. My life seems to be in a mess...I don't feel i have the strength to make it right either...I am single, so there is no one else to lean on to give me strength..my kids rely on me..but i have no one. My friends and family have their own lives..and because I don't trust people now..I have pushed everyone away..I have realised people like to see another person down..as it makes them feel better about their own lives...so now I am highly secretive. Protection barrier.

Oh well...ive actually forgotten why i started to write this...i suppose i wanted to rant for a bit..it be nice if one of you maybe felt the same way i feel/felt..and had a inspirational story where you raised against the odds...thanks in advance to any kind responses and to any nasty comments *middle finger*
WOW...so many comments..in so little time..I feel loved! Some comments stick out more than others. Kelly..I hear you, I dont want to put my kids through a bad time, but medication is not for me. I need to feel in control, and the idea of chemicals contolling my responses, does not sit well with me. My depression is 'situational'. I will work out a plan.. I always do..as someone pointed out..I just need that time. I'm pretty broke right now..which only adds to my feelings and makes me feel trapped. But overall i reckon i am resilient character, and i shall once again..overcome this. Highland..thanks for your words of encouragement..your awesome too. I think i'm going to submerge myself into some positive reading until I can make a clear decision on what i am going to do for my future..and focus on feeling better. Every dog has its day. Also, what does not break you..can only make you stronger..this is a transition..and i shall overcome this. Thanks for all the words of encouragement...

Question #10:

Would Whites Want To Live IN A City Where Blacks Were Dominant & They Were Powerless?

It seems in order for whites to hang, TWO THINGS MUST EXIST blacks must at the very bottom, oppressed, excluded, and dependent on them for everything & WHITES COLLECTIVELY MUST POSSESS ALL THE POWER & FREEDOM TO DO SO without any colloboration or counsel from blacks.

Hence, if you change the power strcuture, IT ALWAYS SEEM URBAN FLIGHT, like in detroit, atlanta, or elsewhere.

In any event, the question remain would WHITES TOLERATE LIVINGA BLACK DOMIANTED CITY WHERE THEY HAVE LIMITED POWER. I heard a number of thibgs such as whites businesses from the outside would try to come in and buy everything up, pay a black enough money to sell out, try to put laws or scrutiny under them, discourage white firms from coming in to the city, and creating hardship.

and the whites themselves wouldn't like to be at the bottom where BLACKS AT THE TOP MAKING THEM FEEL OPPRESSED RIGHT?

Question #11:

Was Blagojevich framed by the Bankers?

Maybe the following will shed some light on this frame up of Blagojevich. Just don't piss off the Bankers or try to stand up for working people in neoliberal dystopian Amerika.

From WIkipedia:

"Blagojevich threatened to stop the state’s dealings with Bank of America Corp. over a shut-down factory in Chicago. On December 8, 2008 (the day before his arrest), all state agencies were ordered to stop conducting business with Bank of America to pressure the company to make the loans. Blagojevich said the biggest U.S. retail bank would not get any more state business unless it restored credit to Republic Windows and Doors, whose workers were staging a sit-in. John Douglas, a former general counsel for the FDIC and attorney for Bank of America, called Blagojevich's gambit dangerous."

Question #12:

I need some parent related advice?

My Father has never been in my life, he left when I was a baby & I have never known him. He made no attempts to continue to have a relationship with me following choosing to end the relationship he had with my Mother.
The one time I saw him as a kid was during a court ordered counseling session brought on when my Mother took him to court for child support. I couldn't of been any older than 10.

I'm an adult now (23) & within the past year or so my Mother & my Father have reconnected. Not romantically, but as friends. That is her decision, I have my own opinions regarding it but they are not related to my personal feelings towards him.
The issue is that she attempts to force me into having a relationship with him that I have no desire to have. There have been situations where she would ask me to help with something (like moving, for example) & while I am on my way there she says "Oh & just so you know your Dad will be here helping too" I then say "I've told you my feelings on the subject. Please let me know when he leaves & then I will come over & help you"
She has also introduced me to people he knows that we have run into in public as his daughter. It gets awkward because they launch into stories about "Oh yes I work with your Dad & he does the funniest things..." etc etc. This bothers me because I don't consider someone a Dad unless they raised you & I don't know how to react to them when they start talking about him that way. I know sometimes I end up coming off as rude because I get so upset about the situation. I tell her after the person leaves "that made me uncomfortable. I wish you would stop doing that", she says she understands but continues to do it.

I feel that because I am not a child anymore this behavior is not appropriate. I have the right to make my own decisions regarding whether or not I'd like to have a relationship with him.
I have told her before "it feels you are forcing me to be OK with something I'm not" & she says "dont be silly I would never do that" & brushes it off.

I know that she has also given him photographs of me & told him I asked her to give them to him. I feel that is over stepping a major boundary, I have told her so but I know she continues to do it.

Her friendship with him is her business, but I don't want to be brought into it. I have the choice to not have a relationship with him & I am choosing not to. That's my right.
I have no anger towards him, I've worked to get over that & I have. But I still hold strong to this decision, which is 100% mine to make.
Any advice on how to make that more clear to my Mother?

Question #13:

Wich graduate school program do you think?

I currently have a BA in Political Science and Sociology, but I want to further my education.

I am torn between ad MBA or MS in Nursing (I have a counseling appointment for this one on Tuesday at a University).

I love business and marketing., but I would hate to sit and work in an office.

However, I also love humanitarian work, and nursing seems like it is always in demand. I don't know if I can handle the gross side of it though.

What do you think?
Yes guys, I know that I need additional courses, GMAT, etc. I have already looked into that.

I am talking about the MAJORS, which one do you think would have the most benefits, etc.?

Question #14:

Help! My husband drinks too much?

I am 26, my husband is 29. We are together for 9 years, married for 3. He has always been a heavy drinker, but as the years have past, he is increasing his alcohol consumption more and more. His brother is his business partner and drinking buddy. They meet in the morning before work and have a drink or too, go to work, function totally ok, and drink again after work. When my husband joins a social situation, he drinks 10x as much, always getting drunk, lazy eyes, slurs his words, antagonizes people, starts obnoxious, repetitive arguments with me, and no matter how much I ignore him during this process, he continues to pester me. Whenever we go out, I am only thinking about how much alcohol he will consume, what my family thinks, how his family doesn't care, and how people in his business community look at him. Everyone knows he drinks way too much, they all question how I deal with it. I am embarrassed. I have tried talking to him about this when he is sober. It seems that we go through this every summer, he fixes it for a while, and then there is always another excuse as to why his is drinking again. We want to have kids, and I know this has to be fixed before they arrive. He is a great man when he is sober. I love to be with him then, but I avoid him now. What the heck do I do? I have asked for counseling, and he does not want it. I tried leaving him last summer, but here I am...

Question #15:

I don't want to go back to College because of depression?

Since starting my first year of college I have been suffering from depression. I currently attend a University in Brooklyn, New York and I have finished my freshman year, I barely made it. I pursuing a degree in English because the only thing I'm really good at in terms of skills is writing. I'm not interested in publishing a book though.

Aside from that, I have no aspirations in any particular field, no friends (just acquaintances) and none of the clubs interest me at all.

To be honest, I just went to College because it seemed like the next logical step to take in terms of finding my career. But even getting up in the morning is a pain because I'm stuck taking pointless classes on things I don't care about.

I enjoy working though, as I've completed three internships so far, with a fourth one I can work in during the Fall. I love being able to help businesses and other people, which is why I'm working at a Career Center trying to help people find jobs and help them with their situations.

I do have a passion though, but it's a risky business and a gamble (even if you have a degree) that I won't take unless I have a solid back-up plan, which I don't have yet.

I want to produce and create Television shows and cartoons for teenagers, children, and young adults because they were an influential part of my life as a kid.

I'm worried because counseling hasn't helped me a whole lot and my next semester of college is about to begin soon. I fear I won't even survive because of the sheer amount of stress College will give me. What can I do?

Question #16:

Why do American Businesses refuse to assocaite themselves with Glenn Beck?

List of Companies who have pulled advertisements from the show (as of late 2009, could be ever more today):

* Aegon (added 9/14/09)
* Airmiles.co.uk (added 10/20/09)
* Allergan (added 8/17/09)
* Ally Bank/GMAC Financial Services (added 8/17/09)
* AmMed Direct (added 10/6/09)
* Ancestry.com (added 8/24/09)
* Applebee’s (added 8/27/09)
* Ashley Furniture (added 8/28/09)
* AT&T (added 8/24/09)
* Bank of America (added 8/25/09)
* Bell & Howell (added 8/27/09)
* Best Buy (added 8/17/09)
* Binder & Binder (added 9/2/09)
* Blaine Labs (anti-fungal & scar treatments) (added 8/24/09)
* Brez (anti-snoring strips) by Airware Inc. (added 8/21/09)
* Broadview Security (added 8/17/09)
* Campbell’s Soup Co. (added 8/24/09)
* Capital One (added 9/2/09)
* Citrix Online (added 10/6/09)
* Clorox (added 8/23/09)
* Closing.com (Closing Corp.) (added 8/28/09) (read statement here)
* Concord Music Group (added 10/6/09)
* CVS (added 8/17/09)
* Dannon Co. (added 9/2/09)
* Diageo (Guinness, Cuervo, Baileys’, etc) (added 10/5/09)
* DirecTV (added 8/27/09)
* Discover (added 9/2/09)
* DITECH (added 8/24/09)
* EggLands Best (added 9/21/09)
* Elations Co. (added 8/24/09)
* Equifax (added 10/6/09)
* Eulactol USA (maker of Flexitol) (added 10/6/09)
* Farmers Insurance Group
* FreeCreditReport.com/Experian (added 8/24/09)
* GEICO
* General Mills (added 8/27/09)
* GetARoom.com (added 10/6/09)
* Healthy Choice (owned by CongAgra)
* History Channel (added 11/11/09)
* Hoffman La Roche (maker of Boniva) (added 10/6/09)
* HSBC (added 9/2/09)
* Humana (added 9/14/09)
* ICAN Benefit Group Insurance (added 9/2/09)
* Infiniti (added 9/2/09)
* Jelmar (CLR cleaner manufacturer) (added 9/2/09)
* Johnson & Johnson (added 8/24/09)
* Jordan McKenna Debt Counseling Network (added 9/2/09)
* KRAFT Foods (added 8/20/09) (read statement here)
* Lawyers.com (owned by LexisNexis)
* Lowe’s (added 8/24/09)
* Luxottica Retail (parent company of Pearle & LensCrafters) (added 9/14/09)
* Mars (maker of Snickers, M&Ms, Pedigree, etc..) (added 10/20/09) (read statement here)
* Men’s Wearhouse
* Mercedes-Benz (added 9/2/09)
* Metropolitan Talent Management (added 10/6/09)***
* NutriSystem (added 8/24/09)
* ooVoo (added 10/6/09)
* Overture Films (added 10/6/09)
* Procter & Gamble
* Progressive Insurance
* Radio Shack
* Re-Bath (added 8/17/09)
* Regions Financial Corporation (added 8/27/09)
* Roche *
* S.C. Johnson
* SAM (Store and Move) (added 8/27/09)
* Sanofi-Aventis
* Sargento Cheese
* Scarguard (added 10/6/09)
* Schiff Nutrition (maker of Tiger’s Milk & Fi-Bar) (added 10/6/09)
* Seoul Metropolitan Government (added 10/6/09)
* Simplex Healthcare (Diabetes Care Club) (added 9/2/09)
* Sprint (added 8/23/09)
* State Farm Insurance
* Subaru (added 10/6/09)
* Toyota-Lexus (added 10/6/09)
* Travelers Insurance (added 8/27/09)
* Travelocity
* UPS (added 8/23/09)
* United States Postal Service (added 9/14/09)
* Verizon Wireless (added 8/21/09)
* Vonage (added 8/24/09)
* Waitrose (added 10/4/09) **
* Walmart (added 8/17/09)
* Woodland Power Products (added 10/6/09)
* Wyeth Consumer Healthcare (added 9/14/09)
a To date list can be found here: Click Here

Question #17:

College grad contemplating CPA exam and career change. Advice?

Hi there,

I have my Bachelor's degree in Psychology and I am about halfway done with my Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology. The debt I've accrued from my Master's degree is only growing, which is why I am considering dropping out of the program. I have taken a strong interest in business/finance, and I am wondering what I can do with a CPA certificate and my psych degree. What competition will I be up against? What is a reasonable starting pay as someone with a CPA?
Note: I am in CA

Question #18:

Going to college, what should I study?

I'm going to be an entering college freshman next month. I'm taking basic courses for two years at a community college. Classes I'm taking are microcomputer applications [for computer science credit], fundamentals of criminal law [just because it interests me], freshman english, U.S. government, and class voice [I am into singing]. The thing that gets me... that bugs the crap out of me is to be honest, I don't know what I want to do in life, yet--where I wanna go... I just don't know. I'm worrying so much already because I feel like the future will just come and hit me just like that, and I won't have a clue what to do. Blah it could just be me worrying over nothing, will I find out soon enough what I'd really want to do in life? I am probably one of the most indecisive persons in the world.

I have so many interests!
Forensics, philosophy, culinary arts, fashion, singing, acting, dance, social satire, the paranormal, business [international], and film making, to name the big ones. I have a lot of interest in sports, mostly tennis and swimming though.

I've taken so many career quizzes and assessments, from the ASVAB to careercruising.com to so many other small online quizzes and counseling meetings and so much more.

I've done a lot of things I thought I'd be interested in, but turned up short, not really liking them as much in the end, such as working on the school newspaper staff [my senior year of high school], I just didn't feel satisfied with whatever I did in there, everything I typed, everybody I interviewed, I just didn't find it as exciting as I imagined. Even psychology, I took ap psych my junior year, it was interesting but it wasn't something I'd like to really get involved with.

The problem though is that I don't really have experience in ANY of the things I'm interested in, such as fashion design, or singing, or dancing, or acting... But my assessments and quizzes always say that those would be perfectly fit for me. I feel like maybe I am whining? I should get up onto my feet and chase after what I want, right?

But my problem is I'm still too indecisive... and completely discouraged. I mean there are millions of people who I'm sure want the same thing. I imagine being a singer or actor, or fashion designer as only fame; but aren't there performers out there who do it simply for the love? I don't know what I want, the fame, or the satisfaction of doing whatever it is I might end up doing, not caring a bit about money...

Blah. I'm just at a loss for words right now. Completely dumbfoundedly stumped.
Damn what a long ass question, sorry. Haha. I'm into so many other things though! I love singing on my own, and I plan on recording covers and all that fun stuff too! I'm mostly into k-pop. I love learning new languages. Well actually languages that relate to my culture. I am Laotian. I am fluent in English, Laotian, Spanish, and I am teaching myself a bit of Korean. I've always thought about auditioning to be an entertainer there someday but I feel like I wouldn't be accepted because of my tan. Haha what am I even saying.

***The point is, is this normal? Going into college, not knowing what you want to do in life, yet?

If you've gone through this kind of phase, please share you experience. Thanks.
Just more of myself haha, I used to love cooking, and would cook anytime I could, and was absolutely addicted to the foodnetwork, and obsessed with Julia Child. For some reason I lost that spark and interest in cooking though... I don't know what happened. Also when I was little, I loved video games so much, I wish I could've been a game designer growing up, but that dream died, too.
Thanks Rena!

Question #19:

Would it be okay to do a vow renewal on our first anniversary?

Our first anniversary is coming up in January. Although my husband and I had dated for almost 3 years, we rushed the wedding to accommodate our work schedules. Our engagement seemed more like a business arrangement ("well, we should get married in january because it's good for work, and my apartment lease will be ending")... There wasn't even a formal proposal! My engagement ring was an old ring that his mother gave him because we didn't have time to save for a new ring. We wanted to have our wedding be a celebration of our love, but instead it was uptight and formal (not our style). We didn't get a real honeymoon, like we wanted. There were lots of things that we didn't get to experience.

BUT, the main reason we are considering a vow renewal is because we have had a VERY rough first year. We almost divorced after being married only 7 months, and all of our closest friends and family know this. We didn't have any pre-marriage counseling before our wedding because it was so rushed. We worked through our problems, but wish we had done so in counseling before we initially said our wedding vows. We now have a new outlook on our relationship that we wish we had had before we got married. This is why we feel like a vow renewal would be a good way to start new.

We've only been married for a year. Is this appropriate?
When I say "we"... I 100% mean my husband and I. We feel the same about this.

Question #20:

what do think my husband is up to? What do you think I should do?

To make a long story short as possible, my husband of now 14 years use to be an ok guy, attentive, etc, non abusive.
for about 6 years in the relationship. His in the navy may I mine you.
It all started after a 6 month cruise (Non war related) he came back almost totally different acting towards me. Lack of sex drive, with no logical or medical explaination. Then i notice something he never did before, I notice he suddenly started to have a wondering eye that I never notice. And he just start to say all sorts of negative things, and things out of he normall nature that I was useto. I started to wonder did i really know him? Or was this the real man I married. He started to dress different, personality changes from his walk, to his way of talking. I asked to I was blue in the face all kinds of questions, asked if he needed to see a couselor. refused. but none theless he was become mean and rude towards me. I was at a lost. I felt stupid, there I waited 6 long months for this and could it simply be adultery? I had no clue what was going on. I had never had any women problems out of he before at all.
But either could not accept it or just didn't belive it was infidelity.
Mind you I was and always was totally faithful, forreal. People asked how did I do it, I just did, and it was love I guess, but does love really count for anything anymore? Anyway, for his deployments from 1 month to 6 months. and he wrote constantly and tried to call when ever he could, giving me all indication he still wanted me after he came home. This was not a war situation just deployment.
Never been to war, just deployment.
Well keeping in mind he was a good husband for most part I stayed and endured. I would leave if I found out for sure he cheated, or simply doesn't love me anymore. But he won't tell me. Always says he loves me, and swears he never cheated. Then say he doesn't want to be married anymore, then takes it back.
Now we are on another place and before here he got worst. He seemed to constantly start up arguments, then leave, then try to blame me and say it was the one at fault and I'm crazy and I always argue with him. I'm so very weary and tired of it all. Then my mother past, he has not been suppotive at all, but always telling me of how he advises and helps other people out on the ship. My mother treated hime like a son. But that's ok. Anyway.
I'm still with him, now his in another place, same stuff being very insentive and rude, but I only see him smiling with other people. I have been counseling, he told them he loved me very much and still says he loves me, but constantly got something going on. I have become weak now and tired of all the arguing. I have a medical condition and have not wotrked for a while. over the years I have gained weight and have put the blame on myself, but I don't know.When I ask him does he want to leave hetells me no, ask him if he wants a divorce he says no ! But the he will not act right or the person I once knew. Know he's getting a little physically abusive.
I think and wonder all the time is he just playing, me? Playing games with me and have someone else. but i never see another women? He doesn't call, write email etc. But at times I see some girls walking on base and give him dirty looks, or they seem like they know him but don't speak, or act like they get mad silently when they see him.
Can someone please help! and put a view from the outside, and enlighten me, so I can wake up out off this horrible roller coaster ride. I ask other people , but you know if you ask or tell to much of your business to outsiders they tend to leak it out and create more havoc.
I wannna leave but never do, and he even tells me I'll never leave him. he was such a nice person before he came back. And it has been over 8 years since his return.?
What should I do? Sometimes i feel like falling to pieces, but somehow i keep strong and go on. But I'm so weak. I need affection and to be made to feel like someone loves again, but i do not believe in adultery, go figure, last of the mohicassins. Please advise, thanks so much.
PLEASE NO answers that are not helpful, and rude, thanks.





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