Question: Do you like/enjoy this?

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Answer #1:

...no one is going to read all that.

Answer #2:

Troll!

Answer #3:

look i don't know if you should do that...i don't know if it will be a good or bad thing...but any decision you take a wish you luck....but could you please send me the rest of the story...i am want to know what happen =)

Answer #4:

You have skills. I can see the picture you're trying to paint. My only problem is that you use a lot of short sentences. Also,you didn't transition the drop from the window very well. He went from pulling a pillow over his head to opening the window. He never removed the pillow,rolled over and stood up. He also never jumped,he went from thinking about it to feeling the rushing air. It's like looking at a row of snapshots rather than seeing a series of actions unfold. To bring your characters to life,we have to "see" them move.

Like I said,you have something here. All you have to do is pay closer attention to detail. It's not always fun,but it's what can make a good story great. Best of luck with it.





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